Connect with us

Jokes

3 sailors get stranded on an island and get captured by a cannibal gang

Published

on

3 sailors get stranded on an island and get captured by a cannibal gang

The sailors plead with the king to spare their lives so the king strikes a deal. He says: “Each if you have to go in the forest and get three of the same fruit”

So the sailors go into the forest. The first sailor comes back with 3 kiwis. The king then tells him: “Now stick all three up your ass and if you make a sound you lose your life!” The sailor does as he’s told and as he puts the second kiwi in he screams in agony. So he loses his life.

The second sailor comes back with three grapes and the king tells him the same thing. So the second sailor starts putting the grapes up his ass and as he is about to put the third grape in he suddenly he starts laughing hysterically. The king asks: “What happened, you were doing so well!”

The second sailor replies: “I’m sorry but I just saw the third guy walk out of the forest with 3 pineapples!”

Jokes

Another two immigrants joke

Published

on

Another two immigrants joke

Two immigrants are on a ship heading to America.

One asks the other, “What is the first thing you are going to do when you get to America?”

The second one replies, “Since I am going to become an American the first thing I am going to do is eat American food to start the process.”

The first one agrees that this is a great idea and decides to join him.

The ship docks and they leave looking for ‘American’ food.

They see a hot dog cart and head right over. As they are walking away, the first one opens his wrapper and stares for a moment, then turns to the other and asks,

“So what part of the dog did you get?”

Continue Reading

Jokes

A man dies and goes up to heaven

Published

on

A man dies and goes up to heaven

He arrives at the pearly gates and there’s god standing there on the other side of the gates to greet him. The man walks up to the gates but as he gets closer he can’t help but see that the people inside are driving all different kind of cars, a bit curious the man asks god

“Why is everyone driving a different car what’s the deal?”

God turns to him and says “Well depending on how faithful someone is during their marriage is how we decide what kind of car they get”

The man looks at god excitedly and asks “Okay so what kind of car will I be getting?”

God looks at him and says “Well from what I can see it looked like you were very faithful to your wife, so I think I’ll give you a BMW”

The man excitedly walks through the gate and jumps into his brand new BMW and drives away.

A few weeks pass and god is driving around just checking to see how everyone is going and he happens to come across the same man, but he’s sitting in the gutter crying his eyes out, so god hops out of his car and walks over to him and asks him what wrong.

The man replied “I saw my wife the other day”

To which god replies “That’s great to hear! Why are you crying though?”

The man replies “She was riding a skateboard”

Continue Reading

Jokes

A rather virtuous young couple marry.

Published

on

A rather virtuous young couple marry.

The soon-to-be lovers fly immediately after the ceremony to Toronto for their Honeymoon. After a wet (or at least slightly damp) week on the Canadian side of the Falls, the couple returns and settles into their new life.

The following Saturday, the young bride meets her friends for lunch. The self- appointed mature one of the lot, a lady married a full two years prior, presses the newly deflowered woman for details.

“Well,” she finally admits, “It was nice enough, once I got over my embarrassment.”

“Embarrassed to see your whole man for the first time?” The older girl teases.

The bride swiftly shakes her head. “No, it’s just that we were stopped by security at the border, and they unpacked my whole bag in front of everyone.”

The other girls agree that this would be embarrassing.

“Well, then the condoms from my bag fell onto the ground,” she whispered.

The older girl spoke for them all, “Bless your heart! That would be awful.”

“That’s not the worst of it,” the girl continued. “After that, my husband got upset, and the security decided he was that he was being aggressive, took him into custody, and strip searched him!”

The other ladies looked stricken. Finally, one hugged the bride amongst murmers of “You poor thing!” “That would be mortifying!” and one or two more “Bless your heart!”s.

The girl nodded her thanks for the support, then continued “and thats when we got to the embarrassing bit. The border guys were polite through the whole thing, and kept apologizing during the strip search. But Aaron kept shouting “I’ll sue for that slander! Don’t you listen to them, Honey!”

Continue Reading

Trending