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A boy and his dad are walking through the park

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A boy and his dad are walking through the park

During the walk the boy sees two men dressed as cowboys saunter by.

‘Dad, look at those bow-legged bastards!’ He says

The father is surprised and tells his son to watch his mouth

A few minutes later, two more cowboys walk by and again the boy yells, ‘Dad, look it two more of those bow legged bastards!’

The father, quite upset now turns to his son and says, ‘I told you not to say that and I do not want to hear it again, or else.’

Just a few minutes go by and another pair of cowboys, walk by and once again the child yells, ‘Dad, look it’s another couple of bow-legged bastards!’

‘That’s it!’ the father yells, he picks the kid up and takes him home and locks him in his room with the complete works of Shakespeare.

Every day he comes to give the boy food and see if he has made any improvement. Till one day when he knocks the boy responds

‘foresooth father, tis a fine day, might we go for a stroll in yonder park.’

Amazed that it worked and feeling like he is certainly father of the year for pulling this off he let’s the boy out and they go to the park. They are walking along and the boy is speaking in brilliant prose about the trees, the birds, the blue sky, and the placid lake. Just then another two of these fellows dressed like cowboys come walking by. The boy turns to his father and says, 

‘Father, what strange men are these their balls hang in parentheses?’

Jokes

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

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Why is 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. Perhaps this was because 6 was putting himself before 7 all the time, or because 7 considered himself above 6. 6 always preferred the company of 4 anyway, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart. He never had an issue with 1, who usually sat alone in a corner, always keeping to himself. While 4 enjoyed the company of 6, he always found more meaning in life when paired up with 2. Sometimes 2 would go join 1, though that never made 1 any better, just multiplied his problems. But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. 6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always seemed to be made about the two. 6 found that 3 and himself could come together and be seen as equal to 9. When 9 was removed, 6 had a very negative feeling. Some were considered prime suspects in 9’s death. 2, 3, 5, and 7. 6 knew it had to be 7. His involvement with 9 added up two well. 6 snuck into 7’s house and discovered the truth. While 7 slept, only a single door the difference between them. 6 imagined a million things he might find there, but 6 never factored in a terrible possibility. He found the proof 7’s ravenous ways: 9’s body, half devoured. 7 was a cannibal…. 6 has spent the remainder of his days terrified of 7, worried that someday 7 will learn what 6 knows… And promptly solve his problem.

Cause you see… 6 knows that 7 8 9.

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males OBSERVATIONS

the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain

heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort

pupils constrict slightly instinctively in preparation for flight/fight response

sweatpores extend slightly to reduce heat and give the appearance of being cool CONCLUSION If all these match then the subject has a high probability of having lied in response to the question

For Females OBSERVATIONS

is she breathing?

is her mouth open and words are coming out of them? CONCLUSION she’s lying

Edit: sorry this came from a bad place. Just had an 8 year relationship break

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Guy goes to hell

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Guy goes to hell

He meets Satan who tells him “Hey bud! Ya’ know what? I feel generous today, so you get to choose your own damnation!” “Cool”, says the man. Satan takes him to the first chamber. In there the man sees his worst memory being played to him over and over eternally. He shivers. Satan takes him to the next chamber. In there, the man sees a guy being poked with a hot pitchfork over and over eternally. The man cringes. Then, Satan takes him to the third chamber. In there, the man sees some guy getting a blowjob from a very beautiful woman. The man lights up. “Well”, Satan says, “Which room will it be?” “The third room, is that for real? I get that forever, no catches or changes?” Asks the man. “That’s right” says Satan, “You get that for all eternity, no catches or changes.” The man thinks for a second. “I pick room 3.” “3 it is, then.” Satan responds. He then walks up to the woman, taps her on the shoulder, and says “You’re free to go now, I’ve found your replacement.”

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