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A couple decide to take their young daughter to zoo one weekend

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A couple decide to take their young daughter to zoo one weekend

While standing around the elephant exhibit the little girl notice that the big bull elephant has huge erection

She whisper to her mother “What is that between his legs?” & her mother whisper back “Oh that is nothing darling.”

Not satisfied with mothers answer she whisper to her father “Daddy what does he have between his legs?” & her father whisper back “That his penis darling. He put that inside the lady elephant to make baby elephants.”

The little girl get confused & whisper “Mum says it’s nothing.” & her father reply “Yes but I spoil that woman.”

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3 vampire brothers want to see who is the strongest

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3 vampire brothers want to see who is the strongest

The first brother flies off at 100mph and comes back 10 minutes later. His mouth was covered in blood. “You see the mansion over there?” Said the first brother, “I sucked everybody in there dry.”

The second vampire said “That’s nothing” and flew off at 150mph and came back 5 minutes later with his nose and mouth covered in blood. “You see the village over there?” Said the second vampire brother, “I sucked everybody’s blood dry!”

The third vampire said “That’s nothing!” And flew off at 200mph and came back 10 seconds later, his whole face and shirt DRENCHED in blood. “Woah, what happened?” Said the first brother. “Well, you see that tree over there?” Said the third vampire. “Yeah?” Replied the other brothers, “I didn’t.”

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After intense partying with their friends, brother and sister got back home late at night…

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After intense partying with their friends, brother and sister got back home late at night…

Dad yells, ‘It’s two days to the exams and where on earth have you both been? Why weren’t you answering your phones?’

Daughter: I have been studying for the exams all day with my friends and had my cellphone on silent to beat the distractions. I was so exhausted that I slept on the couch and it was late when I woke up.

Dad instantly calls her friend and asks if she has seen his daughter that day. She is drunk and high and unwittingly tells the truth. The daughter is grounded.

Now, it’s the son’s turn. He repeats the same story.

Dad immediately calls his son’s friend and asks if he has seen his son that day. The friend is drunk and high but realizes what’s happening and says ‘Yep, he has been studying for the exams with us all day. Poor chap, he even slept on the couch. He was quite exhausted, do you still want me to wake him up now?’

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The Bulgarian Train Conductor

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The Bulgarian Train Conductor

Most kids want to become a firefighter or astronaut when they’re older. This man, however, really wanted to become a train conductor. Unfortunately, he gets the job and he loves it. But one particular day, he’s enjoying his job a little too much. He’s driving too fast and accidentally derails the train, killing a passenger!

Bulgaria takes him to court and they find him guilty, sentencing him to death by electrical chair. They ask for his last words and his last meal. He didn’t have much to say, but he did ask for one banana. The executioner, surprised, gave him his banana and sat him down. He pulls the lever, sparks fly and smoke fills the room, and as it clears, he’s still sitting there..

Now, at the time Bulgaria had this superstition: if someone lives their death sentence, it has to be a sign from God. He gets a second chance and he’s back to driving trains.

He’s happy as can be, celebrating his life and things going back to normal. He had a few drinks on the job, details and kills 2 passengers this time. He goes back to court, same deal, found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. They ask for his last words, and once again he doesn’t have anything to say, but asks for 2 bananas this time. Now feeling a bit suspicious, they give him his bananas anyway. Flip the lever, smoke fills the room and sparks fly.. and to their amazement, he’s still sitting there.

Third times the charm right? Well, I guess this guy doesn’t learn his lessons. As you might’ve guessed, he killed 3 this time. The court is fed up with the guy, the people are outraged. “No more of this, screw the court system, screw your last words and your last bananas.” The executioner tells him while cranking up the voltage. He flips the switch, and after the smoke settles, he’s STILL sitting there.

They’re dumbfounded, the nation is in shock (hehe). When they ask him how he’s doing it he replies, “well, the bananas didn’t have anything to do with it… I’m just a bad conductor!”

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