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A couple go to the new farmers’ market just outside of town

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A couple go to the new farmers’ market just outside of town

They walk past the various stands selling fresh produce, looking for things to take back home. They see gigantic, ripe watermelons on one table. Another holds plump, vibrant tomatoes. A dazzling array of berries fills baskets on another.

Finally, they see a table at the end of the market, where an old farmer is relaxing on an old rocking chair behind an assortment of unassuming fruit and vegetables.

The couple share a curious glance and approach the table.

“See something you like?” The farmer asks, still leaning back in his chair.

“Well…” The man says, crossing his arms and eyeing a small pile of misshapen potatoes, “To be honest, we saw a lot of much more attractive options. Your stuff seems a little…”

“Plain.” The woman says, examining an ear of corn from the table. The farmer chuckles and leans forward to pick up a handful of green beans.

“Yeah, my stuff ain’t as pretty as the rest. But they’ve got something no one else has got.” The farmer tosses the green beans into the air, and suddenly they burst into tiny fireworks of various dazzling colors.

The man stumbles away from the table, flabbergasted. The woman’s eyes go wide in surprise. A pleased smile rests on the farmer’s face as he leans back in his chair.

“How did you do that?” The woman asks, taking a handful of green beans to pick through and examine.

“Magic.” The farmer answers, “My family’s farm sits on a place of old magic. All the crops we grow come with all sorts of neat little tricks.”

“Really?” The man questions, prodding at a motionless squash on the table.

“Yep,” the farmer says bending forward to grab the squash, “Everything here has a little bit of something special.” The farmer turns the squash in his hands, the skin shifting colors with each rotation.

“That’s so cool!” The woman grins as she looks at all of the produce on the table in a new light. “What else can they do?”

The farmer starts pointing to various vegetables and fruits and says, “Well, the eggplants taste like apple pie, the corn is hard as a brick and heavy as such. The watermelons come back to you if you throw ’em, and the cucumbers sing when they’re near running water. The tomatoes bounce like rubber, the beets turn invisible at night…”

The couple looks to each piece of produce as the farmer continues, amazed at what they’re hearing. Once the farmer is done, the couple start to whisper to each other excitedly about what they’re going to get. As they grab their selections, the woman lifts up a watermelon, revealing a small red pepper beneath.

She looks at it curiously and sees it shaking slightly, seemingly shivering. She points to it and asks the farmer,

“What’s up with this one? I don’t remember you mentioning it.”

The farmer looks at it for a moment and smiles.

“Oh, that one? It’s just a little chili.”

Jokes

A Jamaican fireman…

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A Jamaican fireman…

…came home from work one day and said to his wife: “Y’know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station. Bell 1 rings – we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings – we slide down de pole. Bell 3 rings – we jump on de ingine and we’s ready to go. From now on, when I says ‘Bell one’ I want you to strip naked. When I says Bell two’ you jump on de bed. When I says ‘Bell tree’ we’s gonna mek love all tru de night.”

The next night he came home and shouted ‘Bell One’ and she stripped naked. ‘Bell Two’ and she jumped on the bed. ‘Bell Tree’ and they started to make love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled out “Bell Four”.

“What de hell is ‘Bell Four’?” he asked.

She replied : “Roll out more hose, mon, you aint nowhere near de fire.”

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Stupid People Joke: Some Annoying Early Morning Joggers

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After driving for about six hours,…

a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while.

As soon as he falls asleep,…

He is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.

“Can you tell me the time, please?” asks a jogger.

“Yeah, it’s 4:30,” answers the trucker.

He falls asleep again,…

But he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time.

“It’s 4:40!” yells the trucker.

Deciding to really try to sleep a little,…

He writes on a piece of paper: I DON’T KNOW THE TIME.

He sticks the paper in his windshield.

But he is awoken again.

* * * * * * * * *

“It’s 5:25!” another jogger yells at him.

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Jokes

Funny Joke: An Atheist, The Lord & Wild Bear In The Jungle

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A photographer, who was also a confirmed atheist,..

Decided to go into the woods to capture photos of the fall foliage.

It was a beautiful day: fall colors, birds chirping, a babbling brook,…

And a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

While snapping shots, the photographer heard a noise behind him,…

And whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes.

He dropped his camera and ran. And kept running and running…

And looking behind him, he noticed the bear was gaining on him!

He was so scared that tears came to his eyes.

He ran faster, but the bear was closing in on him.

He ran faster yet and tripped over a root.

Rolling over onto his back, the man saw the bear rise to his full height and raise a huge paw…

And the atheist cried out, “Oh, God, no!”

And everything stopped.

The birds stopped chirping. The brook stopped babbling. The gentle breeze stopped.

And the bear froze with his paw in the air.

And the man heard a booming voice say,…

“Young man. For years you’ve doubted my very existence,..

But now that your life is in peril you call my name to help you. Why should I do so?”

And the man thought for a moment, and said,..

“Yes, you are right. If you are God, then it would be hypocritical of me to become a Christian at this point in my life.

But, do you think that you could at least make the bear a Christian for today?”

And the booming voice was quiet for a moment and then said, “Done.”

And everything started again.

The birds chirping, brook babbling, and gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

And the bear slowly lowered his paw.

Then the bear put his paws together, and bowed his massive head and said:,..

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Dear Lord, please bless this food we are about to eat.”

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