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A good joke for the guys

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A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator.

He says to the other patrons, “Here’s the deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and insert my genitals. The gator will close his mouth for one full minute, then open it, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed . If it works everyone buys me drinks.”

All of the other patrons clap and cheer. It’s a deal.

So the guy opens the gator’s mouth. The gator closes its mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a bottle and smashes it to the gator’s head, he opens the mouth and removes his genitals unharmed. Everyone buys him drinks.

Then he says:  “I’ll pay $100 to anyone else who’s willing to give it a try.”

After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the room. It’s a woman.

“I’ll try.” She says. “But you have to promise not to hit me with the beer bottle after the minute is up.”

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males OBSERVATIONS

the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain

heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort

pupils constrict slightly instinctively in preparation for flight/fight response

sweatpores extend slightly to reduce heat and give the appearance of being cool CONCLUSION If all these match then the subject has a high probability of having lied in response to the question

For Females OBSERVATIONS

is she breathing?

is her mouth open and words are coming out of them? CONCLUSION she’s lying

Edit: sorry this came from a bad place. Just had an 8 year relationship break

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Guy goes to hell

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Guy goes to hell

He meets Satan who tells him “Hey bud! Ya’ know what? I feel generous today, so you get to choose your own damnation!” “Cool”, says the man. Satan takes him to the first chamber. In there the man sees his worst memory being played to him over and over eternally. He shivers. Satan takes him to the next chamber. In there, the man sees a guy being poked with a hot pitchfork over and over eternally. The man cringes. Then, Satan takes him to the third chamber. In there, the man sees some guy getting a blowjob from a very beautiful woman. The man lights up. “Well”, Satan says, “Which room will it be?” “The third room, is that for real? I get that forever, no catches or changes?” Asks the man. “That’s right” says Satan, “You get that for all eternity, no catches or changes.” The man thinks for a second. “I pick room 3.” “3 it is, then.” Satan responds. He then walks up to the woman, taps her on the shoulder, and says “You’re free to go now, I’ve found your replacement.”

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World’s Most Gullible Man

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World’s Most Gullible Man

A man is talking to a local at the pub. He goes and introduces himself.

The man then turns to the local and asks, “Have you heard my name before— perhaps in the news?”

The local replies “No Sir, I have not.”

The man explains how he had “Won the title of the World’s Most Gullible Man”.

The local remarks in awe, and asks, “Wow! How does it feel to be the World’s Most Gullible Man?”

The man replies saying, “I don’t remember, I recently lost the title.”

The local excited by such such news asks, “My god, when did this happen?”

The man looks at the local, grinning from ear to ear and replies, “Just now.”

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