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A guy had a dog that kept getting into the neighbors backyard.

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A guy had a dog that kept getting into the neighbors backyard.

The neighbor would come over, banging on the door,screaming,”Your dog has been in my yard again,digging holes and scaring my rabbit.” “I’m real sorry about that neighbor, I’ll try to keep him penned up.” “Next time,as God as my witness, I’ll shoot that dog of yours,”and his neighbor storms off. The following day the man is calling for his dog,and the dog comes crawling from under his neighbors fence with dirt all over his face and a dead rabbit in it’s mouth.The guy thinks up a plan.He takes the rabbit,gets him cleaned up,blow dries him and fluffs him up a bit, and puts him in his cage before his neighbor makes it home from work.He then grabs his dog,puts him in the car and drives around until his neighbor gets home so he don’t look like the guilty culprit.As he arrives home,there his neighbor is,standing on his front lawn,with a puzzled look on his face.”Something wrong neighbor?” “Yeah.My rabbit died” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear about that.” “Yeah,but what I don’t understand is some sick basterd dug him up,fluffed him up,and stuck him back in his cage!”

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This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table…

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This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table…

He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.

The redhead is mortified. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” she says as she pops her eye back into place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”

So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place.

He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can’t believe his luck. “You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No,” she replies, “You just happened to catch my eye.”

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Smart Grandma In Hospital Joke: How To Keep Yourself Informed

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A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital,

And she timidly asked,

“Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator responded,

“I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the patient’s name and room number?”

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said,

“Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied,

“Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”

After a few minutes the operator returned to the Phone.

“Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well.

Her blood pressure is fine; Her blood work just came back as normal.

And her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday.”

The grandmother said,

“Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.”

The operator replied,

“You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?

The grandmother said,

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. But no one tells me anything.!”

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Young Boy V/S Farmer Neighbour Bad Joke: Is Your Dad Home?

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A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.

A young boy, about nine, opened the door.

“Is your Dad home”? the farmer asked.

“Sorry mate, he isn’t” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

“Well,” said the farmer, “Is your mum here”?

“No, sir, she’s not here either. She went into town with Dad.”

“How about your brother, Greg? Is he here”?

“He went with Mum and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

“Is there anything I can do for ya”?

the boy asked politely.

“I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably,

“I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant.”

The boy considered for a moment.

“You’d have to talk to Dad about that,” he finally conceded.

* * * * * * * * * *

“If it helps you any,… I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Greg.”

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