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A guy heard about this amazing new weight loss company. All his friends tell him there’s nothing like it for losing a quick 5 pound.

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A guy heard about this amazing new weight loss company. All his friends tell him there’s nothing like it for losing a quick 5 pound.

A guy heard about this amazing new weight loss company, all his friends tell him there’s nothing like it for losing a quick 5 pound. He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old woman dressed in nothing but a pair of  running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10 pound program. The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you catch me you can have me”.

Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.” Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.”

“Absolutely,” he replies, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”

The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there, wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads: “If I catch you, I will pulverize you.”

Jokes

A local man wins the lottery.

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A local man wins the lottery.

After he’s cashed in his winnings he’s overwhelmed with joy, gratitude, and serenity. He wants to give back to his community and he thinks that everyone should get in on the feels. He decides to throw a grand party at his new mansion where anyone in town can come to eat and drink for free as long as they come dressed in an outfit that represents an emotion.

The night of the party arrives and the first guests were two lawyers dressed in head-to-toe green. When the man asks what their outfits mean, they reply, “We’re green with envy about your recent financial success!”. Pleased with the answer, the man waves them inside.

The next couple to arrive were teachers at the nearby elementary school. Their bodies were completely covered in pink feathers. The man amusedly inquires what emotion the feathers represent. In unison they chime, “We’re tickled pink that you’re so wealthy now!”. Sharing a chuckle, he lets them into the party.

The third duo to show up on the man’s doorstep were two notoriously vacuous gangsters nearly as naked as their first birthday. Shocked, the man asks why they are completely nude except for one of them having a piece of fruit on his penis, and the other with his manhood in a bowl of gloop. The gangster nearest the man says matter-of-factly, “Yo, check it. I’m all deep in ‘dis pear, and this guy is fuckin’ ‘dis custard!”.

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Jokes

Three men are walking in the desert

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Three men are walking in the desert

Three men are walking in a desert when they stumble across a wizard next to a magical slide ‘Slide down this ride shout out the name of your favorite drink’ the wizard commands

The three men question his logic but never the less the first man climbs to the top of the slide and begins to slide down ‘Coke’ the man shouts and to his amazement he winds up in a pool of coke The second man is already at the top as he slides down he yells ‘Fanta’ and he too ends up in a pool of his favorite beverage.

The last man is up at the top of the slide is is a lot dumber then his comrades and is known for being idiotic sooooo when he is sliding down forgetting about what he is doing and enjoying himself he screams ‘weeeeeeeeeee’

Splash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well I don’t know what you were expecting

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Three Engineers are Discussing God

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Three Engineers are Discussing God

The structural engineer says “I think God must’ve been a structural engineer. The musculoskeletal system is perfectly designed to allow us to walk upright.”

The electrical engineer says “Interesting, but you are obviously wrong. God is an electrical engineer. The nervous system is so complex and finely tuned, He couldn’t be anything else!”

The civil engineer turns to them both and declares “you’re both wrong. Only a civil engineer would run a sewage line through a recreational area.”

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