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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom’s capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom’s capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn’t leave. He finds and alchemist’s medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother’s illness.

“Ah, but of course!” says the alchemist, “It’s clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It’s not very common at all, but I’ve got just the thing.”

The alchemist rummages through his wares for a moment and pulls out a bottle with blue liquid in it, sealed by a cork.

“Pandoria Solution, this should do the trick just fine. Have her take a sip with every meal for a day and the day after she should be healthy. That’ll be 600 Crowns.” The orc, with a smile on his face, searches the small field pouch tied to his belt to pull out his money. He counts, 100 Crowns… 200 Crowns… 300 Crowns… 400 Crowns… 500 Crowns…

His smile quickly goes away when he realizes he’s 100 Crowns short. He looks at the alchemist, to which the alchemist says “Sorry, youngster. It’s as low as it goes. I can’t operate at a loss.”

Defeated, he starts waking away when a man grabs his shoulder. It was a large man clad in shining armor, and an ornate helmet that was too beautiful for words. The knight pulls out a nugget of ore from his pocket, probably worth around 150 Crowns, and hands it to the ugly orc, saying “Take it, you need it more than I do”. In the shock of the moment, the orc couldn’t think what to say to the generous man…

EDIT: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

Jokes

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy

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A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says “I got a masters degree in art.”

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A man went to Church to confess..

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A man went to Church to confess..

A man sat in the confession booth in church and said : “Forgive me, my Father, for I have sinned !” “What have you done my son ?” The priest asked. “I had a Promiscuous dream !! I dreamt that I the touched the breast of Rihanna…” Silence prevailed for a moment, followed by the noise of the priest leaving his seat..the man thought to himself “Oh God , he must felt great resentment after my confession !!” Suddenly , the door opened on the Christian side and the priest exclaimed : “Give me your hand to kiss it”

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A local man wins the lottery.

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A local man wins the lottery.

After he’s cashed in his winnings he’s overwhelmed with joy, gratitude, and serenity. He wants to give back to his community and he thinks that everyone should get in on the feels. He decides to throw a grand party at his new mansion where anyone in town can come to eat and drink for free as long as they come dressed in an outfit that represents an emotion.

The night of the party arrives and the first guests were two lawyers dressed in head-to-toe green. When the man asks what their outfits mean, they reply, “We’re green with envy about your recent financial success!”. Pleased with the answer, the man waves them inside.

The next couple to arrive were teachers at the nearby elementary school. Their bodies were completely covered in pink feathers. The man amusedly inquires what emotion the feathers represent. In unison they chime, “We’re tickled pink that you’re so wealthy now!”. Sharing a chuckle, he lets them into the party.

The third duo to show up on the man’s doorstep were two notoriously vacuous gangsters nearly as naked as their first birthday. Shocked, the man asks why they are completely nude except for one of them having a piece of fruit on his penis, and the other with his manhood in a bowl of gloop. The gangster nearest the man says matter-of-factly, “Yo, check it. I’m all deep in ‘dis pear, and this guy is fuckin’ ‘dis custard!”.

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