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A Londoner meets a stereotypical American redneck

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A Londoner meets a stereotypical American redneck

The redneck tells him: “Why don’t y’all like guns? They’re completely safe! See, I have mine in my safe next to my bed, I know the passcode so well I can take my gun and kill any intruder in half a second!”

The Londoner replies: “Really? Is it truly that safe?”

The redneck replies: “Sure! I’ll give you as much time as you want to crack the safe! If you do it, I’ll give you some of that tea stuff y’all seem to like!”

The Londoner, excited by this offer agrees, after a few seconds the Londoner already cracked the safe.

The redneck, comes out in anger and yells: “How the hell did you find the passcode so quickly? Are you a bank robber?”

“No.” Replies the Londoner: “I’m a historian, and I just guessed correctly that your passcode, is 1776.”

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Joke Of The Day: A Woman Awakes In The Middle Of The Night

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A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter, dear?”

She whispers as she steps into the room…

“Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

The husband looks up from his drink,

“It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues,…

“Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,”

He said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses…

The words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember”

Said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,

Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”

“I remember that, too” she replied softly…

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said,

* * * * * * * * * * *

“I would have gotten out today.”

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Two rednecks at a bar

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Two rednecks at a bar

Well, these two rednecks were sitting at a bar, and they decided upon a grossout contest. They quickly went through the run of the mill shit; stale beer, pickled eggs, bar food that’d been sitting untouched for ages.

One of them pipes up and says, “this is for the win. Go over yonder and take you a swig of that spittoon.” Not fixin to back down, his opponent swaggers over, tips up the stained spittoon, and takes a gulp, and another, and another. He slams down the empty container and stumbles back to his seat. “Hell, I only said to take a swig!”

The second replies, “I know, it was all one strand.”

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Best Women Joke: Wife Passes A Test At The Pearly Gates

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A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter greeted her and said,…

“These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

“Spell a word,” St. Peter replied.

“What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”

The woman promptly replied,…

“Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E.”

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair when a man approaches the gates,…

and she realizes it is her husband.

“What happened?” she cried,

“Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said,…

“I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?”

“Not yet,” she replied,

“You must spell a word first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded,

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Czechoslovakia.”

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