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A man goes out and gets wasted – he explains to his wife what happened

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A man who drank alot was told by his wife “If you ever come home drunk again, I’m going to leave you”.

Regardless, that night he went out to a pub and drank a lot and was sick all over his shirt.

He told his friend, “If I go home like this my wife will leave me”.

His friend said, “I tell you what, put a twenty-pound note in your inside jacket pocket, go home and show it to her and tell her somebody threw-up over you and he gave you the money for the dry-cleaning bill”.

He goes home and his wife’s angry at the state of him and tells him she is leaving, but he says, “No, no, no, somebody was sick on me and he put a twenty-pound note in my jacket pocket for the dry-cleaning bill”.

His wife digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out some money.

“Then why have you got two twenty-pound notes in there?”

“Oh, the other is from the man who shat in my pants”

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That’s how I ended up in Ohio.

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That’s how I ended up in Ohio.

I often wondered why my ancestors ended up in Ohio. I was combing through boxes of paperwork my parents had kept. Some of it dating back to when my great, great grandparents were alive. When they were traveling from the east to find a place to settle, my great, great grandmother became somewhat ill. My great, great grandfather was annoyed and made some comments that she should suck it up so they could continue to travel. She was also annoyed with him and then told him to go on without her and she would catch up with him in a few weeks. Still annoyed and not wanting to make her any madder, he asked her where he should stop and build the homestead. She then answered him by saying, “Stick it where the sun don’t shine.”

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Two Hillbillies

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Two Hillbillies

Two Hillbillies sitting in a Diner having a bite to eat. After the meal they start to discuss their plans to expand the family moonshine business.

All of a sudden, the woman on the table next to theirs starts to cough. It’s going on for a while, so Billy-Bob walks over and asks ‘kin ye swalla..?’

the woman shakes her head..

‘Kin ye breeve?’

as she turns a shade of blue, the woman shakes her head again

Without a seconds thought Billy-Bob lifts her dress, pulls her panties down and gives a long wet lick to her right bum cheek. So shocked by this the womans body shuddered with disgust and the blockage cleared with a jolt.

Billy-bob walks back to his table, Billy-Ray turns in amazement… ‘I done did hear about that Hind Lick Maneuver, but i didnt see it be done before!’

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A Drunk Man Stumbles Out of A Bar…

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A Drunk Man Stumbles Out of A Bar…

…and sees two priests walking across the street. He staggers towards the two priests and stops in front of them. He turns to the first priest and proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ!” The first priest shakes his head and replies, “No, son, you’re not.” He then turns to the second priest and says again, “I’m Jesus Christ!” Again, the second priest replies, “No, son, you’re not.” The drunk man finally says, “Follow me, I’ll prove it too you!” Curious, the two priests follow behind him as he walks back into the bar. Immediately upon entering, the bartender takes one look at the man and says, “Jesus Christ, you’re here again?!”

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