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A man had the worst day of his life, so he decided to go to the new bar…

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A man had the worst day of his life, so he decided to go to the new bar…

the bar was located on the roof of one of the tallest buildings in the city, the man sat down, and told the bartender all his problems, how he had lost his job, his wife cheated on him, everything. He drank for hours, almost until it was closing time.

There was another man who had been listening from across the bar, he came over and told him; “You should try this drink they have, it’ll make you fly” Obviously, the guy didnt beleive him.

“No, Im serious. Bartender, give me one of those special drinks.”

The bartender just shook his head, but handed him the drink, which he downed, ran across the floor, jumped over the edge of the building, flew around, and landed back at the bar.

The man was shocked. “Bartender! give me one of those drinks!” The man downed the drink, ran across the floor, jumped over the edge and died.

the bartender shook his head and sighed; “Youre a dick Superman.”

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Funny Catholic Humor Joke: Nervous New Priest V/S Vodka

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say ” Eat me”.

The Virgin Mary is not called ” Mary with the Cherry,.

The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

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Funny Simple Marriage Joke Of The Day: Jealous Husband

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A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife.

The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife’s activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video.

They sat down together to watch it.

Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!

He saw the two of them laughing in the park.

He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe.

He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub.

He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

“I just can’t believe this,” the distraught husband said.

The detective said, “What’s not to believe? It’s right up there on the screen!”

The husband replied,

* * * * * * * * *

“I can’t believe that my wife could be so much fun!”

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A Swedish man, a Norwegian man, and a ravishing Danish woman are sharing a compartment on a train.

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A Swedish man, a Norwegian man, and a ravishing Danish woman are sharing a compartment on a train.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.

On one such occasion, a kiss sound heard and after that a slap sound heard. As the train passes into daylight, Swedish man is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

Danish woman thinks, “I bet this Swedish man tried to kiss me in the dark, but he kissed Norwegian man instead of me and he slapped him.”

Swedish man thinks, “I bet this Norwegian man kissed this Danish woman in the dark, but she slapped me instead of him.”

Norwegian man thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can make a kiss sound and slap that Swedish pinhead again.”

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