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A man travels to Spain for vacation and decides to go into a restaurant.

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A man travels to Spain for vacation and decides to go into a restaurant.

After sitting there for a while trying to decide what to eat, he sees a waiter bring out a bowl of soup to the table next to him. He tells his waiter “I’ll have what he’s having” The waiter politely explains “that is the bull testicle soup and we only serve it once a day after the big bull fight in the city”. The man is disappointed but the waiter tells him that if he comes back tomorrow he will save it for him. The man gladly accepts and comes back the next day and orders the bull testicle soup. After finishing the meal the waiter asks if he enjoyed it The man says “it was amazing but I couldn’t help noticing that the testicles were smaller than the one I saw yesterday” The waiter then replies “well yes sometimes the bull wins”

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Funny Stupid Wife Joke: I Want A Divorce… Judge: Really?

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A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks,

“What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said,

“I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,”

she responded.

“I mean,” he continued,

“what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked,

“Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again,

“is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked,

“Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,

“Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied.

“I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

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Joke Of The Day: A Woman Awakes In The Middle Of The Night

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A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter, dear?”

She whispers as she steps into the room…

“Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

The husband looks up from his drink,

“It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues,…

“Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,”

He said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses…

The words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember”

Said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,

Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”

“I remember that, too” she replied softly…

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said,

* * * * * * * * * * *

“I would have gotten out today.”

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Two rednecks at a bar

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Two rednecks at a bar

Well, these two rednecks were sitting at a bar, and they decided upon a grossout contest. They quickly went through the run of the mill shit; stale beer, pickled eggs, bar food that’d been sitting untouched for ages.

One of them pipes up and says, “this is for the win. Go over yonder and take you a swig of that spittoon.” Not fixin to back down, his opponent swaggers over, tips up the stained spittoon, and takes a gulp, and another, and another. He slams down the empty container and stumbles back to his seat. “Hell, I only said to take a swig!”

The second replies, “I know, it was all one strand.”

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