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A priest is walking down the river one day

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A priest is walking down the river one day

As he is strolling along he sees one of his parishioners fighting to land a fish. The priest jumps in to help land what they discover is a very large trout.
“Will you look at the size of that son of a bitch!” says the parishioner to which the priest is quick to chastise him for his bad language. Thinking quickly the parishioner explains that this type of fish is actually called a son of a bitch and for penance he gives it to the priest to take home for his supper.

At home, the mother superior is in the kitchen when the priest walks in and presenting the fish exclaims “Would you look at the size of this son of a bitch!” The Mother Superior recoils in horror, but the priest explains again that this is what the fish is called. They then decide to take it to the Bishop as it is a very fine fish.

At the Bishop’s house they show him the fish and exclaim what a fine son of a bitch this is. The Bishop goes mad until they manage to calm him down and explain that is the fishes name. He relents and then takes a look at the fish, exclaims what a glorious son of a bitch it is and that the pope is coming to dinner and they should serve it as the main course.

Pope comes around and they serve up the giant and very tasty fish. All very proud they take it in turns to share their part in it

The priest boasts “I helped catch the son of a bitch!”

The Mother Superior beams “And I cooked the son of the bitch!”

And the Bishop states “And I thought you should be the person to eat this son of a bitch!”

The pope looks at them all in turn. Then he leans back in his chair, puts his feet on the table, crosses his arms behind his head and says “You know what? You fuckers are allllriiiiggghhtt!”

Jokes

Funny All Time Best Women Joke: New Husband Store

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A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,…

Where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch…

You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor,..

But you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.

She then goes to the second floor,…

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

She thinks for a while, and then goes to the third floor,…

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop dead good looking and help with the housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay,…

But she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Floor 6 – You are visitor no. 43,630,912 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Share this to all men for a good laugh,… and to all the women who can handle the truth!

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A king was fed up by the constant jokes about the men in his kingdom being afraid of their wives.

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A king was fed up by the constant jokes about the men in his kingdom being afraid of their wives.

He wanted to find a man who wasn’t afraid of his wife and give him public honors and lavish him with gifts so other men may follow suit.

After some brainstorming in the court the king announced to his subjects that ” if a man comes forward and publically say that he is NOT AFRAID of his wife, then that man will win the best horse from the king’s stables”.

The king waited with with baited breath for someone to come forward. Days passed but nobody came forward. The king was about to lose all hope then suddenly a man came in his court saying that “he was NOT AFRAID of his wife”.

The king was over the moon thinking that there is indeed a real man in his kingdom. He called all his subjects in a big Field and introduced them to the man who was definitely NOT AFRAID of his wife. Everyone applauded in awe as king presented him with the best red horse in his stable.

The man disappointingly looked at the horse. The king was confused. “What is it? You don’t like the horse? “

The man replied, ” actually, if you don’t mind your highness, my wife asked me to bring a white horse “

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

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A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates…

The farmer decides to greet the suitors at the door with his shot gun. Around 5 the first boy arrives and rings the doorbell. “My names Joe, I’m here for flo, we’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer thought he was alright, so off they went to their date.

Shortly after the second boy arrives. He rings the doorbell and the farmer answers. “My names Heddy, I’m here for Betty, we’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?”

The farmer once again decided the boy was ok, so off the kids went.

Finally, the last boy arrives. The farmer goes to the door. “My names Chuck…”

The farmer shot him.

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