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A priest, pastor, and clergyman are sitting in a boat, fishing.

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A priest, pastor, and clergyman are sitting in a boat, fishing.

Around 7p.m. , it starts to get dark and the three have to get to shore. Unfortunately , they hit a rock while rowing back and the boat springs a leak. The 3 begin sinking. The clergyman and priest begin freaking out, but then the pastor says, “guys, relax! We have faith in Jesus, remember? If we pray to Jesus with true faith that Jesus will protect us, we can walk on water!”

The pastor prays, and then gets out of the boat. The priest and clergyman watch in awe as he walks across the water and safely reaches the shore.

The priest says, “If God protected him, He will protect me, too!”. He prays, and proceeds to exit the boat and walk safely across the water to join the pastor on the shore.

The clergyman says, “Well, if they can do it, I can do it too!”. So he prays, and gets out of the boat, only to begin sinking.

As the priest and pastor watch the clergyman’s head become surrounded by water, they look at each other and the pastor asks a single question.

“Do you think we should have told him where the rocks were?”

This is a joke a music pastor told me.

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males OBSERVATIONS

the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain

heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort

pupils constrict slightly instinctively in preparation for flight/fight response

sweatpores extend slightly to reduce heat and give the appearance of being cool CONCLUSION If all these match then the subject has a high probability of having lied in response to the question

For Females OBSERVATIONS

is she breathing?

is her mouth open and words are coming out of them? CONCLUSION she’s lying

Edit: sorry this came from a bad place. Just had an 8 year relationship break

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Guy goes to hell

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Guy goes to hell

He meets Satan who tells him “Hey bud! Ya’ know what? I feel generous today, so you get to choose your own damnation!” “Cool”, says the man. Satan takes him to the first chamber. In there the man sees his worst memory being played to him over and over eternally. He shivers. Satan takes him to the next chamber. In there, the man sees a guy being poked with a hot pitchfork over and over eternally. The man cringes. Then, Satan takes him to the third chamber. In there, the man sees some guy getting a blowjob from a very beautiful woman. The man lights up. “Well”, Satan says, “Which room will it be?” “The third room, is that for real? I get that forever, no catches or changes?” Asks the man. “That’s right” says Satan, “You get that for all eternity, no catches or changes.” The man thinks for a second. “I pick room 3.” “3 it is, then.” Satan responds. He then walks up to the woman, taps her on the shoulder, and says “You’re free to go now, I’ve found your replacement.”

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World’s Most Gullible Man

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World’s Most Gullible Man

A man is talking to a local at the pub. He goes and introduces himself.

The man then turns to the local and asks, “Have you heard my name before— perhaps in the news?”

The local replies “No Sir, I have not.”

The man explains how he had “Won the title of the World’s Most Gullible Man”.

The local remarks in awe, and asks, “Wow! How does it feel to be the World’s Most Gullible Man?”

The man replies saying, “I don’t remember, I recently lost the title.”

The local excited by such such news asks, “My god, when did this happen?”

The man looks at the local, grinning from ear to ear and replies, “Just now.”

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