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A priest was getting ready to hear confessions one day when he got a terrible attack of diarrhea, so he asked the altar boy to take over for him.

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A priest was getting ready to hear confessions one day when he got a terrible attack of diarrhea, so he asked the altar boy to take over for him.

“But I don’t know how to hear confessions,” said the altar boy. “It’s easy,” said the priest. “You’ve seen me do it many times. Nobody will know the difference.”

So the altar boy was in the confession booth when a man came in and sat down on the other side. “Father, I don’t know what to do,” the man said. “Last night my wife and I were in bed. She was sleeping and I rolled her over and fucked her in the ass. I feel bad about it, but I don’t know how to make it up to her.” “That’s easy,” said the altar boy. “Just give her milk and cookies like the priest gives me.”

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males OBSERVATIONS

the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain

heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort

pupils constrict slightly instinctively in preparation for flight/fight response

sweatpores extend slightly to reduce heat and give the appearance of being cool CONCLUSION If all these match then the subject has a high probability of having lied in response to the question

For Females OBSERVATIONS

is she breathing?

is her mouth open and words are coming out of them? CONCLUSION she’s lying

Edit: sorry this came from a bad place. Just had an 8 year relationship break

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Guy goes to hell

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Guy goes to hell

He meets Satan who tells him “Hey bud! Ya’ know what? I feel generous today, so you get to choose your own damnation!” “Cool”, says the man. Satan takes him to the first chamber. In there the man sees his worst memory being played to him over and over eternally. He shivers. Satan takes him to the next chamber. In there, the man sees a guy being poked with a hot pitchfork over and over eternally. The man cringes. Then, Satan takes him to the third chamber. In there, the man sees some guy getting a blowjob from a very beautiful woman. The man lights up. “Well”, Satan says, “Which room will it be?” “The third room, is that for real? I get that forever, no catches or changes?” Asks the man. “That’s right” says Satan, “You get that for all eternity, no catches or changes.” The man thinks for a second. “I pick room 3.” “3 it is, then.” Satan responds. He then walks up to the woman, taps her on the shoulder, and says “You’re free to go now, I’ve found your replacement.”

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World’s Most Gullible Man

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World’s Most Gullible Man

A man is talking to a local at the pub. He goes and introduces himself.

The man then turns to the local and asks, “Have you heard my name before— perhaps in the news?”

The local replies “No Sir, I have not.”

The man explains how he had “Won the title of the World’s Most Gullible Man”.

The local remarks in awe, and asks, “Wow! How does it feel to be the World’s Most Gullible Man?”

The man replies saying, “I don’t remember, I recently lost the title.”

The local excited by such such news asks, “My god, when did this happen?”

The man looks at the local, grinning from ear to ear and replies, “Just now.”

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