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A really long story… but worth it?

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A really long story… but worth it?

Once upon a time, there was a father and a son. The son’s name was Malcom and Malcom’s father loved him very much as he was a single father giving all his love to his son, Malcom.

When Malcom turned 14, his father asked him what he would like for his birthday. Malcom just replied with a single lightbulb. His father looked at him in confusion but nevertheless got a single lightbulb and wrapped it up and gave it to his son. Malcom opened the gift and stared in awe, “Gee, thanks dad! Love this gift!” His father smiled and they hugged each other.

Another year rolled past, and on Malcom’s 15th birthday, his father asked what he wanted. Malcom thought for a while and finally decided on a box of lightbulbs. His father looked at him in confusion but nevertheless got a box of lightbulbs and wrapped it up and gave it to his son. Malcom opened the gift and stared in awe, “Gee, thanks dad! Love this gift!” His father smiled and they hugged each other.

Once again, another year rolled around, and on Malcom’s 16th birthday, his father asked him yet the same old question. Malcom again, stared at the ceiling thinking hard about it. Malcom replied with a ROOM FULL OF LIGHTBULBS. His father looked at him in confusion but nevertheless got a full room fulled with lightbulbs and gave it to his son. Malcom opened the gift and stared in awe, “Gee, thanks dad! Love this gift!” Malcom jumped in joy and his father smiled and they hugged each other.

On Malcom’s 17th birthday, his dad came around to his room and asked him the same old question. What would he like for his 17th birthday. Malcom thought hard and this time it was a different expression.

“Dad… I want a warehouse full of lightbulbs…” he mumbled.

His dad, shocked, replied with a stutter. He was flabbergasted, not knowing at all what to do next. He nodded his head and said. Yes son. I will try my best.

The next day came and Malcom was with his dad on his way to the warehouse. His father opened the large door and spilling out was a whole lot of lightbulbs. There must’ve been at least a million! Malcom jumped gleefully up and down and cried out best birthday gift ever! His father smiled and they both hugged each other.

For Malcom’s 18th birthday, his father asked Malcom if he would like tuition money for college. Malcom thought about the offer but replied with no dad. I want a whole mansion filled with lightbulbs. His dad replied with a simple no and requested he followed him to his car.

Once they were about 5 minutes into driving, Malcom’s father turned to him and questioned him, “Son… for over 4 years, I’ve given you quite a bit of lightbulbs… and I would like to know what you are doing with the lightbulbs,”

Malcom too focused on his college papers ignored his father. His dad furious, snapped at Malcom, however this ended up making his father lose control of the steering wheel and they both slammed into a tree. Unfortunately for Malcom, the passenger seat was crippled by a long branch and Malcom was rushed to the hospital.

The next day, Malcom’s father came into the ER. He placed himself calmly next to Malcom.

“Son, I’m so sorry about what happened yesterday. For my actions, what would you like me to do?”

“I…I… I want a box of lightbulbs…” he hoarsely replied.

His father nodded and without another word he came back with a box wrapped up and placed it on top of Malcom’s stomach. Malcom began to unravel the box and opened it. To no one’s surprise, it was average grade lightbulbs. They both looked at each other happily and smiles.

“Son, I know that you were in a terrible accident with me yesterday… but I really must know what you were doing with all these lightbulbs,”

His son placed the lightbulbs on the side.

“I…I…”

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

The cardiac monitor went.

Jokes

Funny Stupid Wife Joke: I Want A Divorce… Judge: Really?

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A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks,

“What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said,

“I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,”

she responded.

“I mean,” he continued,

“what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked,

“Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again,

“is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked,

“Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,

“Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied.

“I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

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Joke Of The Day: A Woman Awakes In The Middle Of The Night

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A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter, dear?”

She whispers as she steps into the room…

“Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

The husband looks up from his drink,

“It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues,…

“Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,”

He said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses…

The words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember”

Said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,

Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”

“I remember that, too” she replied softly…

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said,

* * * * * * * * * * *

“I would have gotten out today.”

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Two rednecks at a bar

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Two rednecks at a bar

Well, these two rednecks were sitting at a bar, and they decided upon a grossout contest. They quickly went through the run of the mill shit; stale beer, pickled eggs, bar food that’d been sitting untouched for ages.

One of them pipes up and says, “this is for the win. Go over yonder and take you a swig of that spittoon.” Not fixin to back down, his opponent swaggers over, tips up the stained spittoon, and takes a gulp, and another, and another. He slams down the empty container and stumbles back to his seat. “Hell, I only said to take a swig!”

The second replies, “I know, it was all one strand.”

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