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A ship at sea was approached by 2 pirate ships…

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A ship at sea was approached by 2 pirate ships…

The captain of the ship tells his men to get ready for battle, and orders his first mate to go get his red shirt.

After they defeated the pirate ship the first mate approaches the captain and asks “captain why did you want me to get you a red shirt?is it a lucky shirt?”

The captain answered “I wanted the red shirt so that if I was injured during battle you and the rest of the crew wouldn’t see me bleeding and become afraid.”

The men were amazed by his answer

A few days later they were approached by 5 pirate ships. The first mate running to his captain asked “should I get you your red shirt?”

The captain calmly answered,” No, I will need my brown pants.”

Jokes

I recall my first time with a condom.

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I recall my first time with a condom.

I was 16 or so and I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and BOOM, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.”

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Jokes

Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

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Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

The party invitation says to come dressed as an emotion. After a day of deliberating, they all agree to meet at Sven’s place before going to the party. Just before Sven is about to put his costume on, there’s a knock on the door. Outside is his girlfriend, Hilda, who’s dressed head to toe in bright green scales and a flowing emerald dress.

“Oh gosh, Hilda. You sure look good!” Says Sven. “What’s your costume supposed to be?”

Hilda gives her dress a twirl and declares, “Oh I am the emotion of envy!”

Before Sven can reply, Ole’s gal Lena rounds the corner in a long red dress, her hair dyed the color of flames. Sven lets out a whistle and says, “Oh gosh, Lena! That’s quite da costume! What are you supposed to be?”

Lena curtsies with a giggle and says, “Why, I am the flame of burning love.”

Before either of them can compliment her, Ole rounds the corner, stark naked except for an old rubber tire held around his middle. “Good lord!” Sven says, “Ole! What on earth are you supposed to be?”

Ole grins back at him and says, “Oh, me?” He says, “I am de spare!”

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Four freshman partied too hard during a music festival and unable to make it back for their final exam the next day

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Four freshman partied too hard during a music festival and unable to make it back for their final exam the next day

As they drove back to the college, they tried to think of a good excuse. Finally, they agreed to the same story: a tire was blown in the middle of nowhere at mid night so they were stuck. They each sent the professor an email asking to retake the exam and gave the excuse. The understanding professor said it’s fine and ask them to take it the next day, but for fairness they would have to take a different exam.

The next day they came to the exam room, and as per usual procedure, each obtained a copy of the exam and sat in a corner. The classroom was big and empty, the professor sat and watched them, so they were nervous. Fortunately, the questions on the first page are fairly easy. Even though these questions only worth 10/100 points, it calmed them down a bit. So they quickly finished the first page at the same time and turned to the second page. There was a single question on it:

(90/100) Which tire was blown?

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