Connect with us

Jokes

A teacher is going over farming tools with an inner-city class who’d never seen them.

Published

on

A teacher is going over farming tools with an inner-city class who’d never seen them.

“Children, does anybody know what this is?”

Little girl puts up her hand. “That’s a rake!”

“Very good, Sally. And who knows what this is?”

Little boy puts up his hand. “That’s a shovel!”

“Very good, Timmy. It’s a shovel. And what about this one?”

Children stare at the picture, but nobody raises their hand. “Well, class. This is what’s known as a hoe. It’s used for-“

Little Johnny pipes up. “That ain’t no hoe! My sister’s a hoe, and she don’t look nothing like that!”

Jokes

Three men wash up on an island, they find the natives, and the Chief says “Each of you go into the forest and collect 10 fruits of one kind.”

Published

on

Three men wash up on an island, they find the natives, and the Chief says “Each of you go into the forest and collect 10 fruits of one kind.”
Three men wash up on an island, they find the natives, and the Chief says “Each of you go into the forest and collect 10 fruits of one kind.”

Continue Reading

Jokes

The Future of E-Scooters

Published

on

The Future of E-Scooters

The next iteration of dockless, phone-activated micromobility devices — those modern miracles of transportation you can ride and park literally anywhere you want — will be a liquid-fuel rocket.

The name of the brand, of course, will be ROCKET.

To ride a ROCKET, riders will straddle the warhead between their legs like Major King Kong from “Dr. Strangelove,” controlling thrust and direction with a pair of adjustable and ergonomic plastic handles screwed into the sides of the frame.

Featuring a phone charger, a 15-inch LCD screen with free access to Amazon Prime Video, a six-speaker Bluetooth stereo system powered by Bose, and a high-definition camera you can link to your social media feeds, ROCKET will allow people of any age or skill level to zip around their congested cities with convenience, comfort, and style.

But we understand it’s not enough to just create the grooviest way to get around. That’s why, because of our deep commitment to environmental sustainability, ROCKET only uses carbon-free, dolphin-safe, ethically sourced hydrazine and liquid fluorine. With our proprietary propellant technology, you’ll be able to reach speeds of 250 meters per second — meaning you’ll never need to worry about running late or battling rush hour traffic again. (Every ROCKET will also come pre-equipped with an optional bicycle helmet and set of elbow pads to keep you safe while you scoot around town.)

However, we’ll admit it. At ROCKET, our biggest passion is fun. That’s why we’re also including an optional feature for making every trip memorable — and ending it with a bang.

Shortly before you reach your destination, you’ll be able to hit the eject button located on the underside of the fuel tank to safely jettison you off your ROCKET while in flight. Now on autopilot, your ROCKET will accelerate to maximum velocity and do its best to perform stunning tricks on the streets and in the skies until it collides with an object, after which it will detonate its payload for the ultimate jaw-dropping finale.

You’ve always liked making an entrance. Now, for just an extra $2.50 added to the cost of your trip, you can saunter up nonchalantly to the spectacle and cacophony of the most dramatic fireworks display anyone but the most grizzled armed forces veterans have ever seen.

As with all dockless micromobility devices, customers can simply abandon the wreckage and walk away from any damage to city or private property, relying on the free labor of the community to clean up the mess. Just use our mobile app to find the closest replacement ROCKET for your next trip.

We’ll be debuting in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Somalia, and we can’t wait to give you the chance to ROCKET on your next commute.

Continue Reading

Jokes

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar.

Published

on

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar.

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of “WOW”! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”

The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. “What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth.”

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”

Continue Reading

Trending