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A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar.

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A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar.

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of “WOW”! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”

The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. “What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth.”

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”

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Three Engineers are Discussing God

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Three Engineers are Discussing God

The structural engineer says “I think God must’ve been a structural engineer. The musculoskeletal system is perfectly designed to allow us to walk upright.”

The electrical engineer says “Interesting, but you are obviously wrong. God is an electrical engineer. The nervous system is so complex and finely tuned, He couldn’t be anything else!”

The civil engineer turns to them both and declares “you’re both wrong. Only a civil engineer would run a sewage line through a recreational area.”

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A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

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A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.

“Twenty bucks,” she says.

He’s never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them… it’s a police officer.

“What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer.

“I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.”

“Well,” said the man, “neither did I until you shined that light in her face.”

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How to get free groceries

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How to get free groceries

So the other day I was at Walmart. This lady said to me that I looked like her dead son. I felt pretty wierd about it but kept shopping, right as i was about to checkout I saw her again and she said that I really looked like her son and if it didn’t mean much “can you give me a hug and say I love you mom, since he has bean dead for 2 years. Well it was mothers day so I was feeling bad and decided why not after all it is mother’s day. So I gave a hug said I love you mom then she went in line in front of me. When I checked out the cashier said your total is 263.87$ I WAS CONFUSED I ONLY BOUGHT POKÉMON CARDS AND SOME RAHMAN NOODLES!!!

I asked why and she said that “my mom said I was paying for her” I was mad so i left my stuff and ran to the parking lot to go find her. I did she was ignoring me so i when she got in her car i opened the driver side door and started pulling on her leg I SHIT YOU NOT the leg was wooden and fell off. So i pulled the other leg, but i didn’t pull it harder then i was pulling yours.

Edit:so i am at the understanding of the comments that i cant type grammer so please correct me in the reply thingies

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