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A tourist in Mexico goes into a bar to get wasted

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A tourist in Mexico goes into a bar to get wasted

It’s his last week on vacation and one of the things on his bucket list to do is basically to drink until he is completely wasted. As the night prolongs, he notices little by little the bar begins to empty. The bartender in his best English that he can muster says to him, “Señor, I think you should go now. There is a man that shows up every night with his wheelbarrow to drag drunk people off into the night and molest them!”

The tourist guy gets scared, pays his tab and exits the bar. This is when he realizes that he never kept track of how much he had been drinking and unbeknownst to him, he was pretty much too far gone. He walks a little, gets tired and decides to take a break. He sits down and rests his head against the wall of a building and passes out.

Moments later, he wakes up and sees that he’s clearly being carried in a wheelbarrow. He freaks out and starts yelling at the man, “what the hell! Where are you taking me!?

The man carrying him in the wheelbarrow suddenly dumps him off and replies back to him as he runs away, “I’m not taking you anywhere, I’m already bringing you back!

The tourist tries to get himself to his feet. He can feel that he is in fact, completely wasted and there is also a throbbing pain in his ass. He contemplates what just happened and whimpers to himself, “well that’s two things off the bucket list now.”

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A Swedish man, a Norwegian man, and a ravishing Danish woman are sharing a compartment on a train.

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A Swedish man, a Norwegian man, and a ravishing Danish woman are sharing a compartment on a train.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.

On one such occasion, a kiss sound heard and after that a slap sound heard. As the train passes into daylight, Swedish man is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

Danish woman thinks, “I bet this Swedish man tried to kiss me in the dark, but he kissed Norwegian man instead of me and he slapped him.”

Swedish man thinks, “I bet this Norwegian man kissed this Danish woman in the dark, but she slapped me instead of him.”

Norwegian man thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can make a kiss sound and slap that Swedish pinhead again.”

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Funny Mom v/s Son Clean Short Joke: Moral Lesson For Kids

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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say ‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait’”.

Kevin turned to his younger brother & said,

* * * * * * * * * *

“Ryan, you be Jesus!”

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Funny Marriage Humor Joke: Smart Divorced Barbie

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A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present.

He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager,

“How much is that new Barbie in the window?”

The Manager replied, “Which one? We have

‘Barbie goes to the gym’ for $19.95,

‘Barbie goes to the Ball’ for $19.95,

‘Barbie goes shopping’ for $19.95,

‘Barbie goes to the beach’ for $19.95,

‘Barbie goes to the Nightclub’ for $19.95 and

‘Divorced Barbie’ for $375.00”

“Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the father asked.

The store manager replied:

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat, Ken’s furniture and all of Ken’s savings.”

Mmm… Barbie Isn’t That Stupid After All…

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