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Alright guys, here is a brand new original joke:

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Alright guys, here is a brand new original joke:

So there was this professional assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, “Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?”

“Yup”

“What if you miss?”

He looks at the man, deadly serious. “I don’t miss…”.

“Okay, we’ll I’ve got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They’re at the motel together right now.”

“Let’s go”, the assassin says.

So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.

“They’re in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off.”

The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.

“Well? What are you waiting for!?” the husband asks. “Hold on a minute. I think I can save you $10,000”.

Jokes

Funny Clean Smart Father Joke Of The Day: Think Positive

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This is Awesome, One smart father goes to his son.

Father: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice”

Son: “I will choose my own bride!”

Father: “But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.”

Son: “Well, in that case…ok”

Next – Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: “I have a husband for your daughter.”

Bill Gates: “But my daughter is too young to marry!”

Father: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”

Bill Gates: “Ah, in that case…ok”

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.”

President: “But I already have more vice – presidents than I need!”

Father: “But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.”

President: “Ah, in that case… ok”

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive. Think Positive.

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So I was just starting to play Harry Potter – Wizards Unite…

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So I was just starting to play Harry Potter – Wizards Unite…

…and was walking down the street. I noticed a young lady at the bus stop was also playing, which sparked a small conversation. She was very cute, maybe in her early 20s. She was telling me all about the professions you can pick from because she just hit level six. I was only level four so it was exciting to hear about a part of the game I have yet to unlock. But suddenly the conversation took a turn, and things started getting weird…

She goes on to explain in great detail as to why she does not have her wallet and is unable to pay for the bus ticket. Evidently she had an unstable living situation and had to flee her home with just the clothing on her back and her phone. Her story seemed legit, so I asked her how much the ticket was.

“It’ll be about $3.50.” she replies.

It was about at that time I realized that she was not at all the young lady I thought she was, but rather an eighty foot tall crustacean from the pedadoic era.

“God damnit Loch Ness monster, you ain’t getting my tree fiddy today” I proclaim as I storm off.

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Best Non-Veg Joke: Pregnant Wife V/S Husband’s Labor Pain

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A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth.

The doctor told them that he’d developed a new machine and asked if they’d like to try it.

The machine would take some of the woman’s pain away and give it to the father there by easing the mothers burden.

The couple thought it was a good idea and agreed to give it a try.

The Doctor set it on 10% to begin with, telling the man that 10% was still probably more pain than he had ever felt.

The man was surprised at how little pain he was feeling and asked for it to be increased.

The doctor turned it up to 20% with the same results.

This trend continued until the machine was set at 100%.

After the delivery both mother and father felt fine.

The wife was relieved at having an almost painless labor and the father was still amazed at how little pain was actually involved.

Later, when they took the baby home,

* * * * * * * * * * * *

They found the mailman dead on their doorstep.

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