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An Australian asks a travel agent what’s the cheapest possible vacation to London that lets him see everything.

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An Australian asks a travel agent what’s the cheapest possible vacation to London that lets him see everything.

“I have a whole evening in Dubai on the way back? Very well, I’ve always wanted to see the world’s tallest building.” He packs his bag, wakes up at 6, rushes to the airport, takes off at 9, crosses Pacific 14 hours nonstop, runs to his connection, flies 10 more hours and never slept a wink cause of the jetlag. By this point he just wanted to crash at his hostel but was so sleep-deprived he almost got hit by a car at the airport. A local asked “Did you come here to die?” “No I came here yesterday.”

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Two rednecks at a bar

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Two rednecks at a bar

Well, these two rednecks were sitting at a bar, and they decided upon a grossout contest. They quickly went through the run of the mill shit; stale beer, pickled eggs, bar food that’d been sitting untouched for ages.

One of them pipes up and says, “this is for the win. Go over yonder and take you a swig of that spittoon.” Not fixin to back down, his opponent swaggers over, tips up the stained spittoon, and takes a gulp, and another, and another. He slams down the empty container and stumbles back to his seat. “Hell, I only said to take a swig!”

The second replies, “I know, it was all one strand.”

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Best Women Joke: Wife Passes A Test At The Pearly Gates

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A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter greeted her and said,…

“These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

“Spell a word,” St. Peter replied.

“What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”

The woman promptly replied,…

“Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E.”

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair when a man approaches the gates,…

and she realizes it is her husband.

“What happened?” she cried,

“Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said,…

“I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?”

“Not yet,” she replied,

“You must spell a word first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded,

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Czechoslovakia.”

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Joke Of The Day: While Teaching A Class Of Good Manners

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A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,

how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said:

“Just a minute I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying:

“That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”

Sherman said:

“I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”

Johnny said: “I would say:,…”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?

I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine,

Who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”

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