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At the gates of heaven Gabriel is deciding fates.

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At the gates of heaven Gabriel is deciding fates.

A man walks up ranting of misfortune. When asked why he’s so mad he explained

” I was sure my wife was cheating on me. So one day I left work early to catch her in the act. When I walked into our apartment she was surprised. Nude and sweaty so I knew someone was there. I look under the bed in the closet and shower. All over our place and found nothing. Untill I heard something on our balcony. A man hanging over the side pleading for help. In a fit of rage I grabbed a hammer and smashed his fingers he fell but hit a bush and I lost it. I wanted him dead so I pushed my fridge off of the balcony to crush him and on the way down the cord wrapped around my arm. Next thing I know I’m here”

Gabriel taken aback from this story deciding to grant him mercy lets him in. The next person in line is looking equally furious. After such a tale he was curious and asked what qualms him. The second guy respond

“I was drinking with a friend and on a dare he bet me that I couldn’t balance on rail for 30sec. In our drunk stupid minds there was only one rail. So I climb up and not very long after I slip. I was able to catch the rail one story below. I call for help and the next thing I know there’s a guy smashing my hands with a hammer. I fall but a bush breaks my fall and I survived. When I finally get to my feet I look up and see a man and a fridge for a few seconds then…”

Gabriel is stunned. Although the coincidence is kinda funny he feels bad and lets him in. The next guy in line looks extremely confused (not uncommon) so Gabriel welcomed him. Gabriel explaining that this is heaven and he has died. The man begins to explain his confusion and says

“I was with a married woman who was cheating and the husband comes home early. I frantically look for a place to hide. So I assume the last place he would look was in the fridge…”

Gabriel burst into laughter

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Things are tough al over

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Things are tough al over

A man was having a hard time keeping ends meet so he had a talk to his wife, which was very beautiful and had a great body. “Wife, I do not think we will have enough money this month so I am going to need you help”, he said. She responded; ” Anything I can do, how can I help?” He responded; “Well I as thinking with that body I think you can prostitute you self and we can make enough money for the month” She thought for a minute and responded; “Well like I said, if that is what I need to do for my family that is what I would do” Friday night husband and wife went to the red district, she was wearing a very short red skirt and a small blouse without a bra, her nipples were showing, she looked stunning. The first client rode on a sedan and ask her “are you working” she responded ” yes I am working” the guy in the car then asked “how much?” she thought for a second and did not know what to say so she told the man in the car to wait for a minute, she then run to where her husband was and ask him “babe, how much do I charged, I don’t know about these things” the husband responded “well I don’t know $50 for a BJ and $100 for intercourse I guess” she quickly went to where the man was parked and told him the prices, he responded “well I only have $50 so I guess a BJ is going to be” She got into the car with him and was ready to start when the man pulls a monster of a penis, she looks at it for a bit and ask to wait another minute, she runs to where her husband is “what is wrong? did you do it?” he asked and she timidly ask her husband, “I was wondering if you can lend this guy $50.

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I recall my first time with a condom.

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I recall my first time with a condom.

I was 16 or so and I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and BOOM, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.”

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Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

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Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

The party invitation says to come dressed as an emotion. After a day of deliberating, they all agree to meet at Sven’s place before going to the party. Just before Sven is about to put his costume on, there’s a knock on the door. Outside is his girlfriend, Hilda, who’s dressed head to toe in bright green scales and a flowing emerald dress.

“Oh gosh, Hilda. You sure look good!” Says Sven. “What’s your costume supposed to be?”

Hilda gives her dress a twirl and declares, “Oh I am the emotion of envy!”

Before Sven can reply, Ole’s gal Lena rounds the corner in a long red dress, her hair dyed the color of flames. Sven lets out a whistle and says, “Oh gosh, Lena! That’s quite da costume! What are you supposed to be?”

Lena curtsies with a giggle and says, “Why, I am the flame of burning love.”

Before either of them can compliment her, Ole rounds the corner, stark naked except for an old rubber tire held around his middle. “Good lord!” Sven says, “Ole! What on earth are you supposed to be?”

Ole grins back at him and says, “Oh, me?” He says, “I am de spare!”

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