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Best Break Up Letter: Smart And Funny Soldier Joke

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A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.

It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship.

The distance between us is just too great.

I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,

since you’ve been gone, and it’s not fair to either of us.

I’m sorry.

Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky.

The soldier, with hurt feelings,

Asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky,

Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope…

along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I’m so sorry, but I can’t quite remember who the hell you are.

Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,

Ricky.

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A man goes to a confession booth…

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A man goes to a confession booth…

Man: I committed all 7 deadly sins in about two hours…

Priest: Holy Jesus, let me hear this.

Man: I was angry and envious of my neighbor. I seduced his wife and lazily ate his groceries, and didn’t share any of them.

Priest: Oh thank Heaven, you missed pride.

Man: No, I’m pretty proud of this.

Priest: Say 100 Hail Mary’s for each sin and give alms.

Man: Oh, Father, I’m not catholic.

Priest: Then why are you telling me?

Man: Are you kidding? I’m telling everyone!

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If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000

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If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.

His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.

Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she got more angry at him to deny such an offer.

She says, “you can stand right there with us, he is not gonna fuck me. I mean $100,000 for touching and smacking my ass is worth it, we can buy hell lot of stuff”.

The husband agrees and calls his friend over the next day to touch and smack his wife’s ass.

Everyone is in the room now, the wife comes over, removes her skirt and his friend starts touching and feeling his wife’s ass.

Two minutes passed and he is still touching and feeling it.

The husband got angry and screamed, “yo idiot, smack the ass now, enough”

The friend replied, “how can I smack dude, I don’t have $100,000.”

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A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college…

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A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college…

“I feel it’s my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die.”

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially.  When their father’s time had come, and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.
First, the doctor put 10 newly printed crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.
Then, the financial planner also put $1,000 there in 20 newly printed crisp $50 bills.
Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer’s turn.  He reached into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father’s coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.
The lawyer is now running for Congress, possibly in your district.

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