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Best Santa Banta Short Jokes In English: Funny Desi Humor

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Titanic was sinking.

An englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?

Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.

Englishman: Now, which direction?

Santa: Downwards!

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable.

Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.

How did santa tried to kill a bird?

He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

Santa: I have swallowed a kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Santa was drawing money from ATM.

Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****.

Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.

Santa falls in love with a nurse…

After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I love u sister.”

Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?

Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Banta: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.

Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again,

Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn’t came back yet!

Santa: Why don’t u cook something else?

An Englishman and santa inside the toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn’t tell me where.

Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says “Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!”

Santa’s wife died.

He is calm, but his wife’s lover is crying furiously…

Finally, santa consoles him: Don’t worry buddy, I will marry again.

Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.

Jokes

A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman and a Brazilian appreciate the picture of Adam and Eve in Paradise.

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A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman and a Brazilian appreciate the picture of Adam and Eve in Paradise.

German comments:

“Look at what perfection of bodies: she, slender and haired; he, with his athletic body, his profiled muscles. They must be Germans.”

Frenchman replies:

“I don’t believe it. The eroticism from the figures is evident! She, so feminine, he, so masculine. They show that they know that soon the temptation will come. They must be French.”

Englishman ponder:

“See the serenity of their faces, the delicacy of the pose, the sobriety of the gestures. They can only be English.”

And after a few seconds of silent contemplation, the Brazilian states:

“I do not agree. Look well: they have no clothes, no house, only have one apple to eat, and believe they are in Paradise. They can only be Argentines!”

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I saw a man sitting alone in the park one day…

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I saw a man sitting alone in the park one day…

and I noticed how in his hand he held a one hundred dollar bill.

Interesting, I thought. I wouldn’t wave that much money around in the open. But that’s when I saw him reaching into a bag and pulling out a pair of scissors. As he moved the scissors towards the bill I got worried and yelled out

“Hey, man! What are you doing? You shouldn’t be wasting money like that!”

The man stopped what he was doing and looked at me. And with the saddest eyes he said

“I-I’m sorry. It’s… it’s just that I fell on hard times and… I’ve had to start cutting corners.”

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A meteor exploded as it flew narrowly by Earth..

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A meteor exploded as it flew narrowly by Earth..

Bolides streaked across the sky, peppering cities and deserts with smouldering fragments.

 

After addressing the inevitable loss of life, extensive property damage and the smashing of tens of thousands of mirrors, we gathered up the fragments from the craters where they lay. Scientists concluded that they were made from an ancient, inexplicable material and somehow.. alive.

 

We quickly understood, and prepared ourselves for the dialogs that were to follow. It took ten years before the first of them awoke and spoke to us. 

 

Ents, we called them. Otwoks, Groots, Old Men Willow. Names from the fairy-tales and games of old. Having spent much of their journey through the cold void of space in slumber, they had little to share with us in the ways of interstellar travel. Instead, they promised, they could offer us the fruits from their boughs, and the air-of-life where their leaves met the light of the yellow-sun. All they would need from us was a place where they and their ones-after could grow.

 

We agreed, and these talking-trees quickly found themselves in their new homes. Walled compounds, regularly irrigated, stretching for kilometres through the desert, alongside our solar-farms. Here, they would see the skies, moon and yellow-sun of our planet, the stars from whence they came, and nothing else. From time to time, we would enter and take what we were promised, and a bit more.

 

And so, as we cut them down, tear off their arms, scalp and flay them before throwing their raw, limbless, still-screaming bodies into hastily-refurbished furnaces, we can only wonder. Had they more to share with us, they could have taken part in the right kind of dialog.

 

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