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Best Santa Banta Short Jokes In English: Funny Desi Humor

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Titanic was sinking.

An englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?

Santa: 2 KMs.

Englishman jumped into sea.

Englishman: Now, which direction?

Santa: Downwards!

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable.

Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.

How did santa tried to kill a bird?

He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

Santa: I have swallowed a kay.

Doctor: When?

Santa: 3 months back!

Doctor: What were you doing till now?

Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Santa was drawing money from ATM.

Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****.

Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.

Santa falls in love with a nurse…

After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I love u sister.”

Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?

Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Banta: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.

Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.

Lady calls again,

Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn’t came back yet!

Santa: Why don’t u cook something else?

An Englishman and santa inside the toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?

Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?

Santa: Because the company shifted and didn’t tell me where.

Santa and Banta went for a drive.

Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?

Banta puts his head out & says “Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!”

Santa’s wife died.

He is calm, but his wife’s lover is crying furiously…

Finally, santa consoles him: Don’t worry buddy, I will marry again.

Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?

Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.

After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males OBSERVATIONS

the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain

heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort

pupils constrict slightly instinctively in preparation for flight/fight response

sweatpores extend slightly to reduce heat and give the appearance of being cool CONCLUSION If all these match then the subject has a high probability of having lied in response to the question

For Females OBSERVATIONS

is she breathing?

is her mouth open and words are coming out of them? CONCLUSION she’s lying

Edit: sorry this came from a bad place. Just had an 8 year relationship break

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Guy goes to hell

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Guy goes to hell

He meets Satan who tells him “Hey bud! Ya’ know what? I feel generous today, so you get to choose your own damnation!” “Cool”, says the man. Satan takes him to the first chamber. In there the man sees his worst memory being played to him over and over eternally. He shivers. Satan takes him to the next chamber. In there, the man sees a guy being poked with a hot pitchfork over and over eternally. The man cringes. Then, Satan takes him to the third chamber. In there, the man sees some guy getting a blowjob from a very beautiful woman. The man lights up. “Well”, Satan says, “Which room will it be?” “The third room, is that for real? I get that forever, no catches or changes?” Asks the man. “That’s right” says Satan, “You get that for all eternity, no catches or changes.” The man thinks for a second. “I pick room 3.” “3 it is, then.” Satan responds. He then walks up to the woman, taps her on the shoulder, and says “You’re free to go now, I’ve found your replacement.”

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World’s Most Gullible Man

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World’s Most Gullible Man

A man is talking to a local at the pub. He goes and introduces himself.

The man then turns to the local and asks, “Have you heard my name before— perhaps in the news?”

The local replies “No Sir, I have not.”

The man explains how he had “Won the title of the World’s Most Gullible Man”.

The local remarks in awe, and asks, “Wow! How does it feel to be the World’s Most Gullible Man?”

The man replies saying, “I don’t remember, I recently lost the title.”

The local excited by such such news asks, “My god, when did this happen?”

The man looks at the local, grinning from ear to ear and replies, “Just now.”

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