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Despite Brexit, English is set to become the EU official language

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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union, given its majority status in the EU, despite the UK leaving.

As part of the final Brexit negotiations, Germany proposed a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. Germany argued that this may make the EU more inviting to the UK in the future.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

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Magic mirror

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Magic mirror

Three ladies walked into a bar. One brunette, one redhead, and one blonde. They went to the tender and he said:” theres a magic mirror in the bathroom, if you tell the truth in front of it you will walk away with whatever you wish for. If you lie however, you will disappear forever”

The three ladies one by one went to the mirror and gave their “truths”

Brunette: I think im smart! The brunette walked out with million dollars

Redhead: My dog is my bestie.

The redhead walked out with a ticket for a life time supply of dogfood.

Blonde: I think –

poof

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There once was a punk kid who would always ask his mother to use her car so he could hang with his friends.

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There once was a punk kid who would always ask his mother to use her car so he could hang with his friends.

“I need the car, Ma.” He would say.

“Your brother is using it for work.” She would always reply.

His brother was an up and coming comedian who was always going around to open mic nights trying to make a name for himself. Since he was working so hard, their mom tended to favor lending her car to the brother instead.

One day, the punk kid was bored and started looking through his brothers stuff looking for something to do, when he stumbled upon evidence that his brother was actually stealing content from other comedians. Shocked, the punk ran downstairs and told his mother who was equally flabbergasted.

Later that night when the brother came home, the punk kid and their mother confronted him.

“Why would you steal content from other comedians?” The kid asked.

“Yeah, its truly a horrendous thing to do, why?!” Cried their mother.

The brother looked to the two of them and laughed, holding up the car keys.

“Cause stealing jokes is the best way to get the car, Ma.”

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Two guys come up to a railroad trestle

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Two guys come up to a railroad trestle

Two guys walking through the woods come upon a railroad trestle. They peer over the edge and cannot see the bottom at all.

One of the two grabs a rock and throws it off the side. As they both listen – they hear nothing. In shock at how deep it is – they go find an even bigger rock and toss it off the edge.

Same result. Nada. Nothing. No sound

They find a huge boulder and it takes both of them to drag it to the edge and push it over.

Same result again.

A few seconds later there is a noise coming from the woods and a goat is running full speed – then jumps off the trestle and disappears into the abyss.

In utter disbelief in what happened – a man approaches and asks of the two guys have seen a goat. They start laughing and tell the man about what they saw.

He said – no way – he was tied to a huge boulder

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