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Dirty Husband Wife Funny Joke: No More Bad Headaches?

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A woman comes home and tells her husband,

“Remember those Headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.”

“No more headaches?”

the husband asks, “What happened?”

His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist.

He told me To Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,…

“I do not Have a Headache;

I do not have a headache,

I do not have a headache.

It Worked! The headaches are all gone.”

The husband replies,

“Well, that is wonderful.”

His wife then says,

“You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years.

Why don’t you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”

The husband agrees to try it Following his appointment,

The husband comes home, rips off his Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He Puts her on The bed and says,

“Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

He goes into The Bathroom and comes back.

A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”

The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.”

He goes back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time.

The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says,

“Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

With That, He goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,

She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“She’s not my Wife.

She’s Not my wife.

She’s not my wife…”

* * * * *

His funeral services will be held on Friday.

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Smart Grandma In Hospital Joke: How To Keep Yourself Informed

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A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital,

And she timidly asked,

“Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”

The operator responded,

“I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the patient’s name and room number?”

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said,

“Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied,

“Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”

After a few minutes the operator returned to the Phone.

“Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well.

Her blood pressure is fine; Her blood work just came back as normal.

And her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday.”

The grandmother said,

“Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.”

The operator replied,

“You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?

The grandmother said,

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. But no one tells me anything.!”

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Young Boy V/S Farmer Neighbour Bad Joke: Is Your Dad Home?

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A farmer got in his truck and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door.

A young boy, about nine, opened the door.

“Is your Dad home”? the farmer asked.

“Sorry mate, he isn’t” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

“Well,” said the farmer, “Is your mum here”?

“No, sir, she’s not here either. She went into town with Dad.”

“How about your brother, Greg? Is he here”?

“He went with Mum and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

“Is there anything I can do for ya”?

the boy asked politely.

“I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably,

“I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant.”

The boy considered for a moment.

“You’d have to talk to Dad about that,” he finally conceded.

* * * * * * * * * *

“If it helps you any,… I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Greg.”

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Funny Long Naughty Story Joke: Cinderella is Now 95 Years Old

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After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

The fairy godmother replied,

“Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

“The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, “Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother.”

The fairy godmother replied, “It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,

“I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:

“You have one more wish; what shall it be?”

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,

“I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.”

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said,

“Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.”

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful!, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair.

He held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…

* * * * * * *

“Bet you’re sorry you had me castrated.”

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