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Dirty Joke Of The Day: World’s Most Embarrassing Moments

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There was a World wide survey of “Most Embarrassing Moment in human life”

the finale had the following three incidents…

Third Place

“It was the day before my eighteenth birthday.

I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.

As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs.

I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone.

Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled “SURPRISE!”.

My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there !

My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.

Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

Second Place

“While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck.

I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself right now, she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

“If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee(dick) last night!”.

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!

I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

And the Winner is…

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.

A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked,

“If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?”

“That’s correct.” responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data.

Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked,

“Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”.

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing,

the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, and never returned.

However, as she was going out of the door, the professor’s reply was a classic.

Totally straight faced, he answered her question,

“It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!”

Jokes

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church…..

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A Bar Opened Opposite a Church…..

The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.

Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.

Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.

The Church Denied all Responsibility!!!

So, the judge commented,

“It’s Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn’t Believe in it”

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Funny Business Joke Of The Day: How To Impress A Client

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I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago.

While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle,

but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy,

I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said,

“Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.”

“Yes?” He asked,

“I’m sitting right over there,”

Pointing to my seat at the bar, I continued,…

“And I’ m waiting for a very important client.

Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say,… ‘Hi Tom?’”

“Sure.” Bill agreed, with a kind smile.

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up.

We ordered a drink and we started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

It Was Bill Gates. “Hi, Tom,” he said.

I replied,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Shut up, Bill, I’m in a meeting.”

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Funny Marriage Joke Of The Day: Husband Wants Divorce

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A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says,

“Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70mph.

He then says,

“I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck.

Again the wife speeds up to 80mph.

He says, “I want the car, too,”

but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she’s up to 90mph.

“All right,” he says,

“I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says,

“Isn’t there anything you want?”

The wife says, “No, I’ve got everything I need.”

“Oh, really,” he says, “so what have you got?”

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100mph, the wife smiles and says,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“The airbag.”

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