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Frank always looked on the bright side.

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Frank always looked on the bright side.

He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, “It could have been worse.”

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it.

On the golf course one Saturday, one of them said, “Frank, did you hear about Mr. Johnson, the CEO? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!”

“That`s awful,” said Frank, “But it could have been worse.”

“How in the hell,” asked his bewildered friend, “could it have been worse?”

“Well,” replied Frank, “If it had happened the night before, I`d be dead now!”

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I recall my first time with a condom.

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I recall my first time with a condom.

I was 16 or so and I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and BOOM, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.”

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Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

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Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

The party invitation says to come dressed as an emotion. After a day of deliberating, they all agree to meet at Sven’s place before going to the party. Just before Sven is about to put his costume on, there’s a knock on the door. Outside is his girlfriend, Hilda, who’s dressed head to toe in bright green scales and a flowing emerald dress.

“Oh gosh, Hilda. You sure look good!” Says Sven. “What’s your costume supposed to be?”

Hilda gives her dress a twirl and declares, “Oh I am the emotion of envy!”

Before Sven can reply, Ole’s gal Lena rounds the corner in a long red dress, her hair dyed the color of flames. Sven lets out a whistle and says, “Oh gosh, Lena! That’s quite da costume! What are you supposed to be?”

Lena curtsies with a giggle and says, “Why, I am the flame of burning love.”

Before either of them can compliment her, Ole rounds the corner, stark naked except for an old rubber tire held around his middle. “Good lord!” Sven says, “Ole! What on earth are you supposed to be?”

Ole grins back at him and says, “Oh, me?” He says, “I am de spare!”

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Four freshman partied too hard during a music festival and unable to make it back for their final exam the next day

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Four freshman partied too hard during a music festival and unable to make it back for their final exam the next day

As they drove back to the college, they tried to think of a good excuse. Finally, they agreed to the same story: a tire was blown in the middle of nowhere at mid night so they were stuck. They each sent the professor an email asking to retake the exam and gave the excuse. The understanding professor said it’s fine and ask them to take it the next day, but for fairness they would have to take a different exam.

The next day they came to the exam room, and as per usual procedure, each obtained a copy of the exam and sat in a corner. The classroom was big and empty, the professor sat and watched them, so they were nervous. Fortunately, the questions on the first page are fairly easy. Even though these questions only worth 10/100 points, it calmed them down a bit. So they quickly finished the first page at the same time and turned to the second page. There was a single question on it:

(90/100) Which tire was blown?

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