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Funny American Political Humor Joke: Why US Has Crisis?

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An Israeli doctor says:

“Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.”

A German doctor says:

“That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.”

A Russian doctor says:

“In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”

An American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says:

“You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.”

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Good Clean Joke: Smart Millionaire & His Much Younger Bride

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A 60-year-old millionaire was getting married and threw a big wedding reception.

The big day arrived, and he got married to his stunning 23-year-old bride in the vast garden of his 50,000-square-foot mansion.

Champagne was flowing and an enormous team of waiters was flitting about serving the finest hors-d’oeuvres in the land.

Naturally, the millionaire’s less wealthy friends couldn’t help but feel jealous.

In a quiet moment, one of them asked him how he landed such a young beauty.

“Simple,” grinned the millionaire,

“I faked my age.’

His friends were really amazed and asked him how old he said he was.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“87!” he replied.

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Funny Stupid Wife Joke: I Want A Divorce… Judge: Really?

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A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks,

“What are the grounds for your divorce?”

“About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said,

“I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar,”

she responded.

“I mean,” he continued,

“what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband’s parents.”

The judge took a deep breath and asked,

“Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don’t have a car.”

“Please,” he tried again,

“is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music – all that hip hop and rap tap – but we can’t seem to do anything about it.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee.”

The judge asked,

“Is your husband a nagger?”

“Oh, hell no, he’s as white as you and me!”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,

“Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce?

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied.

“I’ve never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can’t communicate with me.”

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Joke Of The Day: A Woman Awakes In The Middle Of The Night

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A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter, dear?”

She whispers as she steps into the room…

“Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

The husband looks up from his drink,

“It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues,…

“Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,”

He said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses…

The words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember”

Said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,

Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”

“I remember that, too” she replied softly…

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said,

* * * * * * * * * * *

“I would have gotten out today.”

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