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Funny Animals Joke Of The Day: Smart Monkey In The Plane

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Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?”

Monkey: “Tying their belts.”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Checking the system.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Looking for my people.”

Officer: “After 10′ minutes what were the travelers doing?”

Monkey: “Having beverages and snacks.”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Serving the travelers.”

Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Eating & throwing.”

Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?”

Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading.”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Make up.”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Nothing.”

Officer: “Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?”

Monkey: “All were sleeping.”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the air hostess.”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

* * * * * * * *

Monkey: “Handling the steering!!!!!”

Officer: “No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Jokes

Funny Corny Husband Wife Short Joke: Weight Watchers

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Mrs. Speidell, who was a little on the chubby side,

Was at her weight-watchers meeting.

“My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure.”

she lamented to the woman next to her.

“Well,” the lady replied,

“What’s wrong with that?”

* * * * * * * *

“He likes to do it while I’m stuck at these damn meetings.”

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Funny Clean Health Joke: Doctor v/s Elderly Woman’s Demand

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Joke Title: 20 Years

My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack.

“Doctor,” she pleaded with her cardiologist,

“You must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild’s bar mitzvah.”

“We’ll try,” he replied compassionately.

In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.

Some time later she again spoke to her doctor.

“My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding.”

“We’ll do our best,” he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter’s wedding.

Ten years passed.

Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously.

One morning she called him. “Doctor,” she began,

“I’m feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:

Remember how you saw me through to my grandson’s bar mitzvah?”

“Yes.”

“And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter’s wedding?”

“Yes.”

“Well, as you know I’ve just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress.”

“Yes?”

* * * * * * * *

“It has a 20-year guarantee…”

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Husband Wife Simple Humor Joke Of The Day: Daily Bar Time

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A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,..

so one night he took her along with him.

“What’ll you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered,

“I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.

* * * * * * * *

“And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

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