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Funny Animals Long Dirty Joke: A Guy, Bartender v/s (3) Ducks

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This guy walks into a quiet bar.

He is carrying three ducks.

One in each hand and one under his left arm.

He places them on the bar.

He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.

The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn’t mention the ducks.

They chat for about 30 minutes before the bloke with the ducks has to go to the rest room.

The ducks are left on the Bar.

The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence.

The bartender decides to try to make some conversation.

“What’s your name?” He says to the first duck.

“Huey” said the duck.

“How’s your day been?”

“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.”

“Oh. That’s nice,” says the Bartender.

Then he says to the second duck, “Hi. And what’s your name?”

“Dewey” came the answer.

“So how’s your day been?”

“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again.”

So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says,

“So, you must be Louie? Right! ?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“No”, growls the 3rd duck,

“My name is Puddles. And don’t ask about my fucking day!”

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Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

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Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’

He replied with a heavy sigh, ‘The ceilings here are too low and the young local people from around here can jump so high that they keep hitting the ceiling! What on earth am I supposed to do and what happens if the roof cracks!?’

The answer seemed simple to me, ‘Surely with all this money coming in you can pay someone to raise the ceiling – you must have enough to pay it off…’

He replied, still disheartened, ‘That may be true, but we’ve had an influx of visitors from across the border in Prague – they don’t tip well and I barely even break even when they come around!’

Resigned to his fate, taking a deep breath and looking down, he said to me: ‘The amount of local visitors may be through the roof but the Czechs keep bouncing.’

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Funny IT Humor Computer Joke: Bill Gate’s New Microsoft Car Operating System

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Bill Gate’s company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car.

Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, “Are you sure you really want to stop?”

Before Bill could enter “Yes”, there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.

He started shouting “F1! F1!” but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, “An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed.” Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him,

“You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell.”

Bill pleaded, “I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

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Funny Neighbor Joke Of The Day: American NRI Patelbhai

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It was 3.00 AM in the morning and wife Rachel was not able to sleep as her husband was pacing the bedroom floor with self-talking, gesturing with anxiety of some short.

So Rachel asked the husband Jackie:,

“What was so bothering him that he would keep her from sex and also let her not sleep.”

“You know our next door kindly neighbor, Patelbhai.

I had to borrow one thousand dollars from him to pay all your expensive credit card shopping bills.

It is promised to be paid back tomorrow to Patelbhai.”

Then he added somberly,

“and I don’t have money to pay him back. What am I going to say him tomorrow.”

Rachel gets out of bed, opens the window and yells,

“Patelbhai” and then again and again “Patelbhai, hey Patelbhai”.

Finally awakened and wobbling Patel opens the window opposite her and yells back,

“What? What is it, Rachel? It’s 3 AM. What is so emergency. What do you want?”

Rachel says, “You know the $1000 my husband owes you? He doesn’t have it and He would not give it to you tomorrow.”

Rachel then slams the window shut, and turns to Jackie and says,

* * * * * * * *

“Now you go to sleep, let me sleep and let Patelbhai pace the floor till tomorrow morning and beyond.”

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