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Funny Army Joke Of The Day: Air Force Style Punishment

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US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight.

During the pilot’s pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.

So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

This guy finds that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time.

He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do.

Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk criticism later.

As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says,

“Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished”.

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says,

“Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force.

I’ve been in Thule, Greenland, for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers’ asses are beginning to look pretty good to me.

I have one stripe; it’s two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump shit out of an aircraft.

* * * * * * *

Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?”

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Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

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Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’

He replied with a heavy sigh, ‘The ceilings here are too low and the young local people from around here can jump so high that they keep hitting the ceiling! What on earth am I supposed to do and what happens if the roof cracks!?’

The answer seemed simple to me, ‘Surely with all this money coming in you can pay someone to raise the ceiling – you must have enough to pay it off…’

He replied, still disheartened, ‘That may be true, but we’ve had an influx of visitors from across the border in Prague – they don’t tip well and I barely even break even when they come around!’

Resigned to his fate, taking a deep breath and looking down, he said to me: ‘The amount of local visitors may be through the roof but the Czechs keep bouncing.’

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Funny IT Humor Computer Joke: Bill Gate’s New Microsoft Car Operating System

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Bill Gate’s company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car.

Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, “Are you sure you really want to stop?”

Before Bill could enter “Yes”, there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.

He started shouting “F1! F1!” but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, “An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed.” Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him,

“You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell.”

Bill pleaded, “I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

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Funny Neighbor Joke Of The Day: American NRI Patelbhai

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It was 3.00 AM in the morning and wife Rachel was not able to sleep as her husband was pacing the bedroom floor with self-talking, gesturing with anxiety of some short.

So Rachel asked the husband Jackie:,

“What was so bothering him that he would keep her from sex and also let her not sleep.”

“You know our next door kindly neighbor, Patelbhai.

I had to borrow one thousand dollars from him to pay all your expensive credit card shopping bills.

It is promised to be paid back tomorrow to Patelbhai.”

Then he added somberly,

“and I don’t have money to pay him back. What am I going to say him tomorrow.”

Rachel gets out of bed, opens the window and yells,

“Patelbhai” and then again and again “Patelbhai, hey Patelbhai”.

Finally awakened and wobbling Patel opens the window opposite her and yells back,

“What? What is it, Rachel? It’s 3 AM. What is so emergency. What do you want?”

Rachel says, “You know the $1000 my husband owes you? He doesn’t have it and He would not give it to you tomorrow.”

Rachel then slams the window shut, and turns to Jackie and says,

* * * * * * * *

“Now you go to sleep, let me sleep and let Patelbhai pace the floor till tomorrow morning and beyond.”

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