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Funny Bad Dirty Non Veg Joke Of The Day: Defective Parrot

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn’t have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, “Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?”

The parrot says, “I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.”

“Holy crap,” the guy replies. “You actually understood and answered me!”

“I got every word,” says the parrot.

“I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.”

“Oh yeah?” the guy asks, “Then answer this — how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?”

“Well,” the parrot says,

“this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can’t see it because of my feathers.”

“Wow,” says the guy.

“You really can understand and speak English can’t you?”

“Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic:

politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.

I’m especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I’d be a great companion.”

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. “Sorry, but I just can’t afford that.”

“Pssssssst,” says the parrot,

“I’m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don’t have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!”

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational.

He has a great sense of humor, he’s interesting, he’s a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he’s insightful.

The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, “Psssssssssssst,” and motions him over with one wing.

“I don’t know if I should tell you this or not, but it’s about your wife and the postman.”

“What are you talking about?” asks the guy.

“When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.”

“WHAT???” the guy asks incredulously.

“THEN what happened?”

“Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,” reported the parrot.

“NO!” he exclaims. “And she let him?”

“Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over….”

Then the frantic guy demands, “THEN WHAT HAPPENED?”

* * * * * * * *

“Damned if I know,… I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!”

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Funny Clean Health Joke: Doctor v/s Elderly Woman’s Demand

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Joke Title: 20 Years

My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack.

“Doctor,” she pleaded with her cardiologist,

“You must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild’s bar mitzvah.”

“We’ll try,” he replied compassionately.

In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.

Some time later she again spoke to her doctor.

“My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding.”

“We’ll do our best,” he replied.

And my friend happily attended her granddaughter’s wedding.

Ten years passed.

Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously.

One morning she called him. “Doctor,” she began,

“I’m feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:

Remember how you saw me through to my grandson’s bar mitzvah?”

“Yes.”

“And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter’s wedding?”

“Yes.”

“Well, as you know I’ve just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress.”

“Yes?”

* * * * * * * *

“It has a 20-year guarantee…”

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Husband Wife Simple Humor Joke Of The Day: Daily Bar Time

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A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,..

so one night he took her along with him.

“What’ll you have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.

So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered,

“I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.

* * * * * * * *

“And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”

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The boy with no name.

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The boy with no name.

There once was a boy with no name. He went to school one day and his teacher asked for his name to witch the boy sadly replied, “I don’t know ma’am.” The boy went home crying because he didn’t know his own name, so he went to ask his mother.

His mother had a pair of really big boobs that touched the cutting board she was using. Suddenly the boy crept up on her and cried loudly, “MOMMY WHAT’S MY NAME!?” The boy’s mother was startled and accidentally chopped off both of her nipples. She screamed, “MY TITTIES!!!” As she bled all over the place. The boy was satisfied and said, “thanks Mommy!” As he skipped away.

The next day at school the boy proudly announced that his name was My Titties. On that day no one played with the boy on recess making his teacher feel bad for him. So she announced, “if no one plays with my titties this instant I’ll force you inside and make sure your punished!”

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