Connect with us

Jokes

Funny Best Money Joke: Opening A New Bank Account

Published

on

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,

“I want to open a freakin’ checking account.”

To which the lady replied,

“I beg your pardon, what did you say?”

“Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin’ checking account right now.”

“Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!”

The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation.

They both returned and the manager asked,

“What seems to be the problem here?”

“There’s no damn problem,” the man says,

“I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin checking account in this damn bank!”

“I see sir,” the manager said,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“and this bitch is giving you a hard time?”

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: A Woman Awakes In The Middle Of The Night

Published

on

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter, dear?”

She whispers as she steps into the room…

“Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

The husband looks up from his drink,

“It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues,…

“Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15,”

He said solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses…

The words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember”

Said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,

Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”

“I remember that, too” she replied softly…

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said,

* * * * * * * * * * *

“I would have gotten out today.”

Continue Reading

Jokes

Two rednecks at a bar

Published

on

Two rednecks at a bar

Well, these two rednecks were sitting at a bar, and they decided upon a grossout contest. They quickly went through the run of the mill shit; stale beer, pickled eggs, bar food that’d been sitting untouched for ages.

One of them pipes up and says, “this is for the win. Go over yonder and take you a swig of that spittoon.” Not fixin to back down, his opponent swaggers over, tips up the stained spittoon, and takes a gulp, and another, and another. He slams down the empty container and stumbles back to his seat. “Hell, I only said to take a swig!”

The second replies, “I know, it was all one strand.”

Continue Reading

Jokes

Best Women Joke: Wife Passes A Test At The Pearly Gates

Published

on

A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter greeted her and said,…

“These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

“Spell a word,” St. Peter replied.

“What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”

The woman promptly replied,…

“Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E.”

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair when a man approaches the gates,…

and she realizes it is her husband.

“What happened?” she cried,

“Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said,…

“I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?”

“Not yet,” she replied,

“You must spell a word first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded,

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Czechoslovakia.”

Continue Reading

Trending