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Funny Clean Blonde Joke Of The Day: Dumb & Stupid Together

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Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out.

They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others

“I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together.”

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly,…

* * * * * * * *

“Together, together, together.”

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Funny Non-Veg Joke Of The Day: Old Best Friends & Their Sons

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Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the restroom.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy.

He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel.

He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company.

He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.”

The second guy said,

“Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy.

He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot.

Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets.

He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”

The third man said:

“Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer.

Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire.

He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday:

A 30,000 square foot mansion.”

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked:

“What are all the congratulations for?”

One of the three said:

“We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our son… What about your son?”

The fourth man replied:

“My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

The three friends shifted uncomfortably.

“Hmmmm, what a shame,” one replied.

The fourth man replied:

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too bad either.

His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received,…

A beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes.”

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Funny Animals Long Dirty Joke: A Guy, Bartender v/s (3) Ducks

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This guy walks into a quiet bar.

He is carrying three ducks.

One in each hand and one under his left arm.

He places them on the bar.

He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.

The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn’t mention the ducks.

They chat for about 30 minutes before the bloke with the ducks has to go to the rest room.

The ducks are left on the Bar.

The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence.

The bartender decides to try to make some conversation.

“What’s your name?” He says to the first duck.

“Huey” said the duck.

“How’s your day been?”

“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.”

“Oh. That’s nice,” says the Bartender.

Then he says to the second duck, “Hi. And what’s your name?”

“Dewey” came the answer.

“So how’s your day been?”

“Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again.”

So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says,

“So, you must be Louie? Right! ?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“No”, growls the 3rd duck,

“My name is Puddles. And don’t ask about my fucking day!”

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Funny Joke: Young Woman V/S Honest Priest In A Flight

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A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her,

“Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits

and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,

“And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father,… Next!”

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