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Funny Clean Marriage Humor Joke: How To Become A Dad?

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I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.

She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.

I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

“Why?” my daughter asked.

“Because it’s been on the ground, you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty, and probably has germs.” I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,

“Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.”

I was thinking quickly.

I said: “All moms know this stuff. It’s on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mom.”

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

“OH… I get it!” she beamed,

“So if you don’t pass the test you have to be the dad.”

* * * * * * * *

“Exactly.” I replied back with a big smile on my face.

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Funny Husband Wife Bedroom Humor Short Joke: Undressing

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James is alone in the bedroom when his beautiful wife opens the door and walks in.

“James,” she whispers, “Take off my shirt.”

“James,” she whispers, “Take off my bra.”

“James,” she whispers, “Take off my skirt.”

“James,” she whispers, “Take of my stockings.”

“James,” she whispers, “Take off my panties.”

“James!” she screams,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“And Don’t ever wear my fucking clothes again!”

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Funny Naughty Doctor Joke Of The Day: Rusty Newborn Baby

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After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.

“Doctor,” the man said,

“I don’t mind telling you, but I’m a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can’t possibly be mine.”

“Nonsense,” the doctor said.

“Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.”

“It isn’t possible,” the man insisted.

“This can’t be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.”

“Well,” said the doctor,

“let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?”

The man seemed a bit ashamed.

“I’ve been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.”

* * * * * *

“Well, there you have it!”

The doctor said confidently. “It’s rust.”

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Top 7 Best Funny And Bad Short Dirty Jokes: Dark Humor

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There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.

The Female pencil got pregnant!!

Which Male pencil is responsible?

* * * * * *

ANSWER: THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.

Woman in bed with husband’s best friend, phone rings!

“YES”.. “OK, BYE”.

She turns to her lover and says,

* * * * * * *

“THAT’S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE’S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.”

Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.

Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!

Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!

Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!

Three Guys were introduced to a girl.

“Hi,…. I’m Peter, not a SAINT.”

“I’m Paul not a POPE.”

“I’m John not a BAPTIST…”

The girl replied..

* * * * * *

“Hi.. I’m Mary, not a VIRGIN.”

Girlfriends are like appetizers.

Taste good at any time.

Mistresses are Tomyams.

Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.

WIVES are Maggie.

Eaten when there’s nothing to eat.!!!

Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.

She replied:

* * * * * * * *

“I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!”

Yesterday’s News:-

A nun jogging at Jogger’s Park was raped by 4 guys.

Today’s News:-

* * * * * *

Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the park.

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