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Funny Comedy Joke: Two Lawyers V/S Pregnant Secretary

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Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.

One day the secretary announced she was pregnant.

They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.

The day of delivery arrived.

Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room.

Finally one of them said,

“I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there.

Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!”

The partner agreed to do that.

About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.

“What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant.

The other partner announced,

* * * * * * * * * * *

“They were twins and mine died!”

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There once was a punk kid who would always ask his mother to use her car so he could hang with his friends.

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There once was a punk kid who would always ask his mother to use her car so he could hang with his friends.

“I need the car, Ma.” He would say.

“Your brother is using it for work.” She would always reply.

His brother was an up and coming comedian who was always going around to open mic nights trying to make a name for himself. Since he was working so hard, their mom tended to favor lending her car to the brother instead.

One day, the punk kid was bored and started looking through his brothers stuff looking for something to do, when he stumbled upon evidence that his brother was actually stealing content from other comedians. Shocked, the punk ran downstairs and told his mother who was equally flabbergasted.

Later that night when the brother came home, the punk kid and their mother confronted him.

“Why would you steal content from other comedians?” The kid asked.

“Yeah, its truly a horrendous thing to do, why?!” Cried their mother.

The brother looked to the two of them and laughed, holding up the car keys.

“Cause stealing jokes is the best way to get the car, Ma.”

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Jokes

Two guys come up to a railroad trestle

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Two guys come up to a railroad trestle

Two guys walking through the woods come upon a railroad trestle. They peer over the edge and cannot see the bottom at all.

One of the two grabs a rock and throws it off the side. As they both listen – they hear nothing. In shock at how deep it is – they go find an even bigger rock and toss it off the edge.

Same result. Nada. Nothing. No sound

They find a huge boulder and it takes both of them to drag it to the edge and push it over.

Same result again.

A few seconds later there is a noise coming from the woods and a goat is running full speed – then jumps off the trestle and disappears into the abyss.

In utter disbelief in what happened – a man approaches and asks of the two guys have seen a goat. They start laughing and tell the man about what they saw.

He said – no way – he was tied to a huge boulder

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Jokes

Every year at the state fair…

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Every year at the state fair…

… Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn’t going to bother and enter.

“What kind of attitude is that?” David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, “What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message.”

Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God. Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher’s pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn’t wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow.

All of a sudden, a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a notepad. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.

Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.

A few minutes later, the drawing was held.

And once again, Paul lost.

The winning number was 707….

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