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Funny Desi Santa Banta Joke: Mom’s Letter In English

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Dear Banta,

Vahe Guru !

I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there.

I’m writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don’t live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.

Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here,

so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice.

It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode.

I’m not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.

The weather here isn’t too bad.

It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job.

He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club’s poolside.

The manager is really badmash.

He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club.

We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning.

I haven’t found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well.

Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned.

We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more.

He died trying to fulfill his father’s last wishes.

His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died.

And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

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20+ Clean & Short Good Humor Jokes: Best English Comedy

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Wonderful coffee

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee.

It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.

Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup.

It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

Doctor’s promise

“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia?

I’ve heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.”

“Don’t worry, it won’t happen to you.

If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only.”

Dentist’s thinking

Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.”

Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”

In safe hands

Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.

Doctor: Don’t worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead.

Now it’s the turn of the 90 percent survivors.

Tit for tat

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings,

“Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

In a hurry

A man asks a farmer near a field,

“Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it?

You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says,

“Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Surprise visit

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket.

Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops.

After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa.

He turns to her half asleep:

“Oh, you’re home, darling. I’m afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit.”

Dream

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Kind old woman

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asks:

“Please granny, don’t bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.”.

The granny answers: “You know, I don’t have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them.”

Dangerous

What is dangerous?

– –

Sneezing while having diarrhea!

Igloo

An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit.

When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled –

“So where’s your igloo?” –

The friend replies

“Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”

Job interview

At an interview:

“In the beginning, you’ll be earning 20000, later on it can go up to 40000.”

“OK, I’ll come again later then.”

Difference

What’s the difference between, BOOM! Aaaaargh! And Aaaaaargh! BOOM!?

– –

The difference is whether you’re falling from the 1st or the 10th floor.

Responsible

I have a very good feeling about my job interview today.

The manager said they were looking for somebody responsible. –

“You’ve found your man,” I responded,

“Whenever there was a problem in my last job, they always said that I was responsible!”

Adoption

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

Seminar

The police stop an old guy in questionable condition at 1 am.

“What are you doing out so late, sir?” asks the police officer.

“I’m going to a seminar on ‘The harmful effects of alcohol’,” replies the man.

“Are you pulling my leg or something?!” says the police officer,

“Who would hold a seminar like that at this hour?!”

The man sighs, “My wife.”

Super powers

Peter comes very drunk home late at night.

He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”

“No”, she replies sleepily.

“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!”

Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”

Desire

A man well into his seventies asks his wife:

“Mary, doesn’t it make you sad when you see me running after those young girls sometimes?”

“Not in the least, Peter,” replies Mary,

“our dog chases cars all the time and there’s also no chance he could manage to drive one!”

The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn’t.

B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn’t.

B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn’t.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Idiot

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?

Son: No.

Picnic

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic.

When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.

The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn’t eat the sandwiches until he got back.

A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,

“oh, come on, let’s eat the sandwiches.”

Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, “If you do, I won’t go!”

Good news

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

The man says, “OK, give me the good news first.”

The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”

The man replies, “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”

The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”

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Confession booth

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Confession booth

A man sat in the confession booth in church and said : “Forgive me, my Father, for I have sinned !” “What have you done my son ?” The priest asked. “I had a Promiscuous dream !! I dreamt that I the touched the breast of Kim…” Silence prevailed for a moment, followed by the noise of the priest leaving his seat..the man thought to himself “Oh God , he must felt great resentment after my confession !!” Suddenly , the door opened on the Christian side and the priest exclaimed : “Let me kiss your hand”

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Funny Cute Joke Of The Day: Innocent Babies Conversation

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Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other,

“Are you a little girl or a little boy?”

“I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby.

“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply.

“Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling, “I’ll climb into your crib and find out.”

He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby’s crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.

After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.

“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he said proudly.

“You’re ever so clever,” cooed the baby girl, “but how can you tell?”

“It’s quite easy really,” replied the baby boy,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“You’ve got pink socks and I’ve got blue ones.”

SHAME ON YOU, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???

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