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Funny Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date

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There was a loser who couldn’t get a date.

He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.

The guy said, “It’s simple. I just say I’m a lawyer.”

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.

After she said “No,” he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, “Oh, your a lawyer?”

He said, “Why yes I am!”

So they went to his place and when they were in bed screwing, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny he answered,

* * * * * * * *

“Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!”

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Little Johnny v/s Sunday School Teacher Joke: Making Bad Faces

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Finding one of her student Little Johnny making faces at others on the playground,..

Ms. Smith stopped to gently scold the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said,

“Johnny, when I was a child,

I was told if that I made ugly faces,

it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Johnny looked up and replied,

* * * * * * * * * *

“Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

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Funny Husband Wife Short Dirty Joke: Bad Horse Riding

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A minister gave a talk to the community center on sex.

When he got home, he couldn’t tell his wife that he had spoken on sex,

So he said he had discussed “Horseback Riding” with the members.

A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center,…

and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made.

She said:,

* * * * * * * * *

“Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter,… as he’s only tried it twice.

The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off.”

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Best Little Johnny Dirty Joke Of The Day: Valentine’s Day Card

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Valentine’s Day was quickly approaching and Little Johnny was anxious to receive and give Valentine cards during his classroom party,..

Mainly because there were two girls he was particularly very fond of.

The rest of his class received the usual “store bought” cheap Valentines that read cutesy “Be Mines”,..

But he took special care and time in hand-making two special cards for these two sweethearts in his life.

The first read:

Roses are Red, Pickles are Green,

I love your legs and what’s in between.

I like your style, I like your class,

But most of all I love your ass.

And to the other girl he wrote:

* * *

Roses are Stupid, Violets are Silly!

Bend over Babe ’cause here comes my Willy!

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