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Funny Dirty Best Lawyer Joke Of The Day: Getting A Date

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There was a loser who couldn’t get a date.

He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.

The guy said, “It’s simple. I just say I’m a lawyer.”

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.

After she said “No,” he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, “Oh, your a lawyer?”

He said, “Why yes I am!”

So they went to his place and when they were in bed screwing, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny he answered,

* * * * * * * *

“Well, I’ve only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I’m already screwing someone!”

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Funny Clean Blonde Joke Of The Day: Dumb & Stupid Together

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Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out.

They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others

“I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together.”

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly,…

* * * * * * * *

“Together, together, together.”

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Husband Wife Short Joke Of The Day: How To Enjoy Sunday?

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Husband [:D] Darling, my sweet heart I will be enjoying this Sunday.

Wife: How?

Husband: I bought three tickets for the movie.

Wife: thats great, but we are two, why you bought three tickets ???

* * * * * * *

Husband: Darling one for you, one for your mother and one for your brother. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Clean Office Joke: Man Goes Into A Pet Shop To Buy A Monkey

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A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey.

The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00

Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.

The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.

The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that this one cost $1000.00,…

because it can do everything the other monkey can do plus he knows the Unix operating system.

Naturally the increasingly startled man asks about the third monkey to be told that it costs $ 2000.00

Needles to say this begs the question.

What can it do?

To which the owner replies:

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“To be honest I have never seen him do a thing but the other two call him BOSS.”

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