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Funny Dirty Golf Joke Of The Day: Man Takes A Week Off Work

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A man takes a week off work and decides to play a round of golf every day.

First thing Monday morning, he sets off and soon finds himself catching up with a stunning woman playing in front of him.

He suggests that they play against each other for the rest of the day and she agrees.

The woman proves to be very talented, and wins on the last hole.

Afterwards, she accepts the man’s offer of a lift home and, on the way, admits she hasn’t enjoyed herself so much for a long time.

“In fact,” she says,

“Why don’t you pull over so I can show you how much I appreciate it.”

So the man pulls over and, to his delight, the woman performs oral sex on him.

They arrange to play golf again the next morning.

Once again the woman wins, and she shows her appreciation in the same way on the journey home.

This goes on all week, until Friday, when the man reveals he has booked dinner at a restaurant and a night of passion in a hotel.

On the way there, the woman suddenly bursts into tears.

“I can’t do it,” she says,

“You see, I’m a transvestite.” The man is aghast.

He swerves violently off the road, and pulls the car to a screeching halt.

“You fucking cheat!” he screams.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“You’ve been playing off the ladies’ tees all week.”

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

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Scientists have come up with a foolproof methodology of predicting when someone lies

There are 2 different approaches for each sexes.

For Males OBSERVATIONS

the eyes deviate slightly to the left indicating the Male is accessing the creative part of the brain

heartrate elevates in an attempt to support the strain of the creative effort

pupils constrict slightly instinctively in preparation for flight/fight response

sweatpores extend slightly to reduce heat and give the appearance of being cool CONCLUSION If all these match then the subject has a high probability of having lied in response to the question

For Females OBSERVATIONS

is she breathing?

is her mouth open and words are coming out of them? CONCLUSION she’s lying

Edit: sorry this came from a bad place. Just had an 8 year relationship break

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Guy goes to hell

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Guy goes to hell

He meets Satan who tells him “Hey bud! Ya’ know what? I feel generous today, so you get to choose your own damnation!” “Cool”, says the man. Satan takes him to the first chamber. In there the man sees his worst memory being played to him over and over eternally. He shivers. Satan takes him to the next chamber. In there, the man sees a guy being poked with a hot pitchfork over and over eternally. The man cringes. Then, Satan takes him to the third chamber. In there, the man sees some guy getting a blowjob from a very beautiful woman. The man lights up. “Well”, Satan says, “Which room will it be?” “The third room, is that for real? I get that forever, no catches or changes?” Asks the man. “That’s right” says Satan, “You get that for all eternity, no catches or changes.” The man thinks for a second. “I pick room 3.” “3 it is, then.” Satan responds. He then walks up to the woman, taps her on the shoulder, and says “You’re free to go now, I’ve found your replacement.”

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World’s Most Gullible Man

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World’s Most Gullible Man

A man is talking to a local at the pub. He goes and introduces himself.

The man then turns to the local and asks, “Have you heard my name before— perhaps in the news?”

The local replies “No Sir, I have not.”

The man explains how he had “Won the title of the World’s Most Gullible Man”.

The local remarks in awe, and asks, “Wow! How does it feel to be the World’s Most Gullible Man?”

The man replies saying, “I don’t remember, I recently lost the title.”

The local excited by such such news asks, “My god, when did this happen?”

The man looks at the local, grinning from ear to ear and replies, “Just now.”

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