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Funny Dirty Husband Wife Joke: New Lie Detector Robot

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John was a salesman’s delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.

His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot.

It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector.

He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked.

At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late.

Both parents were understandably angry.

“Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?”, they asked.

“Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,” said Tommy.

The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

“Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.”

“We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie.”

“What did you watch?”, asked Marsha.

‘The Ten Commandments.”

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said,

“I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.”

“I’m ashamed of you Son,” said John.

“When I was your age, I never lied to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.”

The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the patio.

When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears.

“Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can’t be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!”

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the shit out of her, not once, but three times.

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Funnyly Dirty Marriage Bad Joke Of The Day: Cheating Wife

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Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender,

“I’m so pissed off!”

“Oh yeah? What happened?” asked the bartender politely.

“See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home.

We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damned husband came in the front door.

So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!”

“Gee, that’s tough,” commiserated the bartender.

“Right, but that’s not what really got me,” the customer went on.

“When her husband came into the room he said:

“Hey great! You’re naked already! Let me just take a leak.”

And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn’t piss out the window right onto my head?”

“Yeech!” the bartender shook his head.

“No wonder you’re in a lousy mood.”

“Yeah, but I haven’t told you what really, really got to me.

Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.

And where does it land? My damned forehead!”

“Damn, that’s awful!” says the bartender.

“Oh, I’m not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump.

It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!”

The bartender paled. “That would sure mess up my day.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” the fellow rattled on,

“But do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off?

* * * * * * * *

When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground.”

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Funny Non-Veg Short Dirty Joke: Naughty Dentist V/S Nervous Woman

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A nervous young lady sat on a dentist’s chair to get her tooth extracted,..

Seeing too many instruments she got frightened.

“Doctor, I would much rather have a baby than my tooth pulled out.”

The dentist retorted :

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Well make up your mind, … so that I can adjust the chair accordingly”. [:)]

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Funny Wise Rabbi In Small Town Joke: A Cow From Alberta

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The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk.

The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars.

Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta.

The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it.

Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.

No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the rabbi what was happening;

“Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.

If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.

An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked,

“Did you buy this cow from Alberta?”

The people were dumbfounded.

They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

“You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?”

* * * * * * * * * *

The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Alberta.”

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