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Funny Elderly Comedy Joke Of The Day: 3 Old Age Guys

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“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old man.

“You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old.

“When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing’ comes out!”

“Actually,” said the 80-year -old,

“Eighty is the worst age of all.”

“Do you have trouble peeing, too?”

asked the 60-year old.

“No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”

“So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?”

“No, I have one every morning at 6:30.”

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said,

“You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so bad about being 80?”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”

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Funny Long Naughty Story Joke: Cinderella is Now 95 Years Old

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After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

The fairy godmother replied,

“Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

“The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, “Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother.”

The fairy godmother replied, “It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,

“I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:

“You have one more wish; what shall it be?”

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,

“I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.”

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said,

“Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.”

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful!, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair.

He held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…

* * * * * * *

“Bet you’re sorry you had me castrated.”

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A man goes to the store to get a hot water bottle

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A man goes to the store to get a hot water bottle

A man goes to the store to get a hot water bottle. The clerk tells him he has just sold his last one. But if he wants to, he can take the cat, which should also accomplish the same goal of keeping his bed warm. The man agrees and goes home with the cat.

The next day the man goes back to store with scratches all over his body. The clerk, shocked, asks the man what had happened with the cat. The man replies: “Well, it was fine at first, he even managed to endure the funnel up his ass… But when it came to the hot water…”

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Funny Best Marriage Humor: Husband’s Mid Life Crises

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When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,

“Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV,

but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde.”

“Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV,

but I’m sleeping with a 50-year-old woman.

It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde,

* * * * * * * * * * *

and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.”

Aren’t older women great?

They really know how to solve your mid life crisis.

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