Connect with us

Jokes

Funny Future Technology Joke: Customer Care In Year 2050

Published

on

Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy, The Best Pizzas in this Earth. May I have your…”

Customer: “Hello, can I order?”

Operator: “Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?”

Customer: “It’s eh…, hold… …on… 889861356102049 998-45-54610”

Operator: “OK… you’re… Mr. Gomez and you’re calling from 143 Bangkal St, Sky View Apt, Makati, 80th floor…

Your home number is 8094! 2366, your office 7645-2302 and your mobile is 01482662566.

This is a new number, Which number are you calling from now Sir?”

Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?”

Operator: “We are connected to the system Sir.”

Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza.”

Operator: “That’s not a good idea Sir.”

Customer: “How come?”

Operator: “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir.”

Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”

Operator: “Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You’ll like it”

Customer: “How do you know for sure?”

Operator: “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Hokkien Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir.”

Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?”

Operator: “That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $179.99”

Customer: “Can I pay by! credit card?”

Operator: “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $9637.55 since October last year.”

“That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.”

Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.”

Operator: “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today.”

Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”

Operator: “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your scooter…”

Customer: “What!”

Operator: “According to the details in system, you own a Lambretta 1969 Vintage Scooter,… registration number USE 8917…”

Customer: “????”

Operator: “Is there anything else Sir?”

Customer: “Nothing… by the way… aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”

Operator: “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic… …”

Customer: “#$$^%&[email protected]$%^”

Operator: “Better watch your language Sir.

Remember on 11th Nov 1986 you were convicted for using abusive language on a policeman who stopped you for driving through a one way,

in fact you were driving a 1973 Volkswagen bearing registration number UTD 4267…”

Customer: [Faints]

Jokes

Two rednecks at a bar

Published

on

Two rednecks at a bar

Well, these two rednecks were sitting at a bar, and they decided upon a grossout contest. They quickly went through the run of the mill shit; stale beer, pickled eggs, bar food that’d been sitting untouched for ages.

One of them pipes up and says, “this is for the win. Go over yonder and take you a swig of that spittoon.” Not fixin to back down, his opponent swaggers over, tips up the stained spittoon, and takes a gulp, and another, and another. He slams down the empty container and stumbles back to his seat. “Hell, I only said to take a swig!”

The second replies, “I know, it was all one strand.”

Continue Reading

Jokes

Best Women Joke: Wife Passes A Test At The Pearly Gates

Published

on

A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter greeted her and said,…

“These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter.”

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.

“Spell a word,” St. Peter replied.

“What word?” she asked.

“Any word,” answered St. Peter. “It’s your choice.”

The woman promptly replied,…

“Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E.”

St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter’s chair when a man approaches the gates,…

and she realizes it is her husband.

“What happened?” she cried,

“Why are you here?”

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said,…

“I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?”

“Not yet,” she replied,

“You must spell a word first.”

“What word?” he asked.

The woman responded,

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“Czechoslovakia.”

Continue Reading

Jokes

Joke Of The Day: While Teaching A Class Of Good Manners

Published

on

A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,

how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said:

“Just a minute I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying:

“That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”

Sherman said:

“I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”

Johnny said: “I would say:,…”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?

I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine,

Who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”

Continue Reading

Trending