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Funny Husband Wife Corny Joke: Wife Going To Las Vegas

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A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

He asked her where she was going and she replied:

“I’m going to Las Vegas.”

He asked her why she was going.

She told him: “I just found out that as a woman I can make £400 a night doing what I give you for free.”

He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.

His wife said:

“And just where do you think you are going?”

“I’m going too!” he replied.

“Why?” she asked.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“I want to see how you are going to live on £800 a year!”

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Funny Marriage Humor Joke: Smart Divorced Barbie

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A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present.

He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager,

“How much is that new Barbie in the window?”

The Manager replied, “Which one? We have

‘Barbie goes to the gym’ for $19.95,

‘Barbie goes to the Ball’ for $19.95,

‘Barbie goes shopping’ for $19.95,

‘Barbie goes to the beach’ for $19.95,

‘Barbie goes to the Nightclub’ for $19.95 and

‘Divorced Barbie’ for $375.00”

“Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the father asked.

The store manager replied:

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s house, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat, Ken’s furniture and all of Ken’s savings.”

Mmm… Barbie Isn’t That Stupid After All…

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Funny Bad Joke: Little Johnny V/S Teacher’s Dirty Thinking

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A teacher asks her class:,

“If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”

She calls on little Johnny.

“None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.”

The teacher replies:,

“The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think.”

Then Little Johnny says:,

“I have a question for YOU Madam.

There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream.

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies”,

“Well I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on… but I like the way you think.”

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There once was a rich man who was near death.

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There once was a rich man who was near death.

He was very much aggrieved because he had worked very hard for his money, and he wanted to be able to take it with him to Heaven.

So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth.

An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.”

The man implored the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The angel reappeared and announced that God had decided to make an exception and was allowing him to take one suitcase with him.

Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase, filled it with pure gold bars, and placed it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man died and showed up at the pearly gates.

St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!”

But the man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord.

Sure enough, St. Peter returned, saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry- on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.”

St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, “You brought pavement?”

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