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Funny Joke: A Church Matron Cooking Some Beans

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One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck.

Her son, Little Johnny,…

Came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.

He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans.

Thinking it over,…

Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment,…

So he said nothing.

The dinner went well, and, as usual,…

The beans were one of the favorite dishes.

The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny’s mother and said,…

“Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?”

Jane replied, “Nothing new, why do you ask?”

“Well,” Said Mary:,…

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“This morning I bent over to feed the cat, and shot the canary!”

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Have you ever thought about…

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Have you ever thought about…

…the range of words which have a Grecian root? There are lots of such words in mathematics, like “geometry”.

Some of these words have an interesting derivation. A contemporary of Pythagoras was watching a parrot playing with some twigs, once upon a time. Although birds often play with twigs and leaves and branches, this parrot, to the mathematician’s amazement, actually arranged the pieces of wood into some sort of a pattern. Then, unfortunately, the bird keeled over, dead.

The mathematician was so moved that he named the shape, “Dead parrot,” although — of course — he said it in Greek.

Which is why we call that shape a polygon.

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Had a weird dream last night.

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Had a weird dream last night.

I had died and met St.Peter at the Pearly Gates and he told me to go to room 101.There I will receive my punishment for all the sins I had committed in my life.I opened the door and to my amazement saw my good friend,Bob,making love to a fat,ugly woman.I shook my head and went back to see St. Peter.After telling him what I saw he said,”Well Bob done some bad things in life and that’s his punishment.Go to room 201.I did and when I opened the door,oh my God,I saw my buddy, Al, making love to a woman twice as ugly as the one Bob was making love to.I shut the door,shook my head, and got the dry heaves,and went back to St. Peter and told him what I saw.”Well Al done some terrible things in his life and that’s his punishment.Go to room 301.I did,and as I slowly turned the knob to the door,(it’s not coming very easily at this point)to open it,I slowly raise my eye lids and remove my hands, and, lo and behold,to my amazement,I just couldn’t believe.Wow,it was my big brother Rick,making love to the most beautiful woman I have seen in my entire life.Soft ,supple,skin.Long,flowing,magical,hair.Legs,ah the legs.Long,slender, magnificent.As I shut the door I couldn’t believe,Rick,with such a woman.I went back and told Pete,”Hey Pete,wrong room again,but I saw my brother with the most beautiful woman in the world.Miss America couldn’t hold a candle to such a woman.Stunning,simply stunning.Peter replied,”Well,that woman done some terrible things in her life and that’s her punishment.”

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After returning from his honeymoon…

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After returning from his honeymoon…

…with his bride Virgina, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop inJersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, “Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep down to Florida?”

Luigi, “Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down.”

“Whata you mean, Luigi?” asked Giovanni.

“Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she packa big basket a food. …She brought da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, ‘No eat indisa ca’

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, ‘No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.’ So, we go to cluba car.

While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga ‘is finger again and say, ‘No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car ..’

So we go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to our sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada …. and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice.. ‘Nofolk Virginia ! Nofolk Virginia!’

“Nexta time, I’ma just gonna driva my car….”

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