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Funny Joke: Ever Since I Was A Child, I’ve Always Had A Fear

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Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems.

Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it.

I’m scared.

I think I’m going crazy.

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the psychiatrist.

“Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I’ll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,” I said.

Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.

“Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!

A bartender cured me for $10.

I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV.”

“Is that so!” With a bit of an attitude he said,

“And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

* * * * * * * * * * *

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed – ain’t nobody under there now!”

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Stupid People Joke: Some Annoying Early Morning Joggers

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After driving for about six hours,…

a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while.

As soon as he falls asleep,…

He is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.

“Can you tell me the time, please?” asks a jogger.

“Yeah, it’s 4:30,” answers the trucker.

He falls asleep again,…

But he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time.

“It’s 4:40!” yells the trucker.

Deciding to really try to sleep a little,…

He writes on a piece of paper: I DON’T KNOW THE TIME.

He sticks the paper in his windshield.

But he is awoken again.

* * * * * * * * *

“It’s 5:25!” another jogger yells at him.

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Funny Joke: An Atheist, The Lord & Wild Bear In The Jungle

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A photographer, who was also a confirmed atheist,..

Decided to go into the woods to capture photos of the fall foliage.

It was a beautiful day: fall colors, birds chirping, a babbling brook,…

And a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

While snapping shots, the photographer heard a noise behind him,…

And whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes.

He dropped his camera and ran. And kept running and running…

And looking behind him, he noticed the bear was gaining on him!

He was so scared that tears came to his eyes.

He ran faster, but the bear was closing in on him.

He ran faster yet and tripped over a root.

Rolling over onto his back, the man saw the bear rise to his full height and raise a huge paw…

And the atheist cried out, “Oh, God, no!”

And everything stopped.

The birds stopped chirping. The brook stopped babbling. The gentle breeze stopped.

And the bear froze with his paw in the air.

And the man heard a booming voice say,…

“Young man. For years you’ve doubted my very existence,..

But now that your life is in peril you call my name to help you. Why should I do so?”

And the man thought for a moment, and said,..

“Yes, you are right. If you are God, then it would be hypocritical of me to become a Christian at this point in my life.

But, do you think that you could at least make the bear a Christian for today?”

And the booming voice was quiet for a moment and then said, “Done.”

And everything started again.

The birds chirping, brook babbling, and gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

And the bear slowly lowered his paw.

Then the bear put his paws together, and bowed his massive head and said:,..

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Dear Lord, please bless this food we are about to eat.”

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Funny Cop Joke: DEA Officer Stops At A Ranch in Texas

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DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher,…

He tells the rancher,

“I need to inspect your ranch for illgally grown drgs.”

The rancher says,

“Okay , but do not go in that field over there,”

as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying,

“Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.”

Reaching into his rear pants pocket,

He removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.

“See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish….

On any land.. No questions asked or answers given.

Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis Bull…

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer,

and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety.

The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Your badge… Show him your badge!”

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