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Funny Joke: Old Lady Spends Her First Night In A Nursing Home

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One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again, she seems alright – but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side.

The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.

This goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.

“So, Ma’, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.

“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”

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Five Deadly Terms Used by a Woman

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Five Deadly Terms Used by a Woman

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is right and you need to shut-up.

Nothing: Means ‘something’ & you need to be worried.

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission, do not do it.

Whatever: A woman’s way of saying screw you.

That’s Okay: She is thinking long & hard on how and when you will pay for your mistake.

BONUS WORD: Wow!

This is not a compliment, she’s amazed that one person could be so stupid.

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A kangaroo at the zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.

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A kangaroo at the zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night.

Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence.

He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

They tore down the ten-foot fence and put up a fifteen-foot fence.

He was out again the next morning.

A twenty-foot fence was put up.

Again he go out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,

“How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody thinks to lock the gate at night!”

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Bertha and Homer…

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Bertha and Homer…

…were in their early 90s, both widowed, and were fairly active. One Sunday they ended up sitting next to each other in church. They struck up a conversation afterward, and decided to have lunch at the diner. They found that they really liked one another.

Every Sunday after that, they sat together in church and went to lunch afterward. A few months later, they decided to get married.

They took the bus a few towns over to stay in a hotel on their wedding night. Bertha went into the bathroom to freshen up, and Homer eagerly disrobed and got into bed.

She came out of the bathroom naked except for a towel around her waist, and walked toward the bed and her groom.

“There’s something I should tell you, Homer,” she said.

“What is it?,” he asked.

“I have acute angina,”

“Well that’s a good thing, ’cause them saggy titties ain’t doing a thing for me!

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