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Funny Joke: Young Woman V/S Honest Priest In A Flight

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A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her,

“Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits

and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,

“And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father,… Next!”

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A man goes to a confession booth…

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A man goes to a confession booth…

Man: I committed all 7 deadly sins in about two hours…

Priest: Holy Jesus, let me hear this.

Man: I was angry and envious of my neighbor. I seduced his wife and lazily ate his groceries, and didn’t share any of them.

Priest: Oh thank Heaven, you missed pride.

Man: No, I’m pretty proud of this.

Priest: Say 100 Hail Mary’s for each sin and give alms.

Man: Oh, Father, I’m not catholic.

Priest: Then why are you telling me?

Man: Are you kidding? I’m telling everyone!

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If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000

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If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.

His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.

Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she got more angry at him to deny such an offer.

She says, “you can stand right there with us, he is not gonna fuck me. I mean $100,000 for touching and smacking my ass is worth it, we can buy hell lot of stuff”.

The husband agrees and calls his friend over the next day to touch and smack his wife’s ass.

Everyone is in the room now, the wife comes over, removes her skirt and his friend starts touching and feeling his wife’s ass.

Two minutes passed and he is still touching and feeling it.

The husband got angry and screamed, “yo idiot, smack the ass now, enough”

The friend replied, “how can I smack dude, I don’t have $100,000.”

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A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college…

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A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college…

“I feel it’s my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die.”

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very successful financially.  When their father’s time had come, and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.
First, the doctor put 10 newly printed crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.
Then, the financial planner also put $1,000 there in 20 newly printed crisp $50 bills.
Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer’s turn.  He reached into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father’s coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.
The lawyer is now running for Congress, possibly in your district.

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