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Funny Long Naughty Story Joke: Cinderella is Now 95 Years Old

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After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

The fairy godmother replied,

“Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

“The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, “Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother.”

The fairy godmother replied, “It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,

“I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:

“You have one more wish; what shall it be?”

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,

“I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.”

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said,

“Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.”

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful!, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair.

He held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…

* * * * * * *

“Bet you’re sorry you had me castrated.”

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Naughty Office Joke Of The Day: Dad, Secretary & Little Daughter

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Joke Title: Doll

A man comes home with his little daughter,

whom he has just taken to work.

The little girl asks,

“I saw you in your office with your secretary.

Why do you call her a doll?”

Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains,

“Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl.

She types like you wouldn’t believe,

she knows the computer system and is very efficient.”

“Oh,” says the little girl,

* * * * * * *

“I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch.”

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Simple Clean Joke Of The Day: Two Lawyer Friends Playing Golf

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Joke Title: Oh, Those Darn Lawyers

Two lawyers, Jon and Ethan, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf.

Jon offers Ethan a $50 bet.

Ethan agrees and they’re off.

They shoot a great game.

After the 8th hole, Ethan is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

“Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he says to Jon.

After a few minutes, neither has any luck.

Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Ethan secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground.

“I’ve found my ball!” he announces.

“After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together,”

Jon says, “you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?”

“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”

“And you’re a liar, too!” Jon says.

* * * * * * *

“I’ll have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”

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20+ Clean & Short Good Humor Jokes: Best English Comedy

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Wonderful coffee

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee.

It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.

Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup.

It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.

Doctor’s promise

“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia?

I’ve heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.”

“Don’t worry, it won’t happen to you.

If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only.”

Dentist’s thinking

Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.”

Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”

In safe hands

Patient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.

Doctor: Don’t worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead.

Now it’s the turn of the 90 percent survivors.

Tit for tat

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings,

“Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?”

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

In a hurry

A man asks a farmer near a field,

“Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it?

You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says,

“Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Surprise visit

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket.

Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops.

After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa.

He turns to her half asleep:

“Oh, you’re home, darling. I’m afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit.”

Dream

I dreamed I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow.

When I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Kind old woman

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asks:

“Please granny, don’t bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.”.

The granny answers: “You know, I don’t have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them.”

Dangerous

What is dangerous?

– –

Sneezing while having diarrhea!

Igloo

An eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit.

When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled –

“So where’s your igloo?” –

The friend replies

“Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”

Job interview

At an interview:

“In the beginning, you’ll be earning 20000, later on it can go up to 40000.”

“OK, I’ll come again later then.”

Difference

What’s the difference between, BOOM! Aaaaargh! And Aaaaaargh! BOOM!?

– –

The difference is whether you’re falling from the 1st or the 10th floor.

Responsible

I have a very good feeling about my job interview today.

The manager said they were looking for somebody responsible. –

“You’ve found your man,” I responded,

“Whenever there was a problem in my last job, they always said that I was responsible!”

Adoption

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

Seminar

The police stop an old guy in questionable condition at 1 am.

“What are you doing out so late, sir?” asks the police officer.

“I’m going to a seminar on ‘The harmful effects of alcohol’,” replies the man.

“Are you pulling my leg or something?!” says the police officer,

“Who would hold a seminar like that at this hour?!”

The man sighs, “My wife.”

Super powers

Peter comes very drunk home late at night.

He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”

“No”, she replies sleepily.

“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!”

Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”

Desire

A man well into his seventies asks his wife:

“Mary, doesn’t it make you sad when you see me running after those young girls sometimes?”

“Not in the least, Peter,” replies Mary,

“our dog chases cars all the time and there’s also no chance he could manage to drive one!”

The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn’t.

B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn’t.

B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn’t.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Idiot

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?

Son: No.

Picnic

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic.

When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.

The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn’t eat the sandwiches until he got back.

A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,

“oh, come on, let’s eat the sandwiches.”

Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, “If you do, I won’t go!”

Good news

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

The man says, “OK, give me the good news first.”

The doctor says, “The good news is, you have 24 hours to live.”

The man replies, “Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”

The doctor says, “The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.”

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